This will get messy before it gets better...

I should be writing a paper for my class, but I can't get these thoughts out of my head, so I found myself here today.

Looking back, I really should have kept this blog going, if only for myself as a way to not keep inside everything that is trying to leap from me right now. 

To say "life has run away with me" right now is laughable, because where do I start? Do I pick up from my last post of 29 months ago??? I guess I could try, but that might be counter-productive. Who wants to re-live some of their darkest days? Good heavens...

Actually, those days are what have brought me back to this page. Even if no one reads this, I have it written down for myself, when writing helps clear my head and cleanse my emotions. I've realized from months of therapy over the last few years, that holding onto emotions is detrimental, and if writing helps me express my emotions, other than simply crying when I feel overwhelmed, then that is what I should do.

So, in that spirit of expressing emotions, let me start by saying how much I hate October :) Sigh...I feel better already! Now, I absolutely am in LOVE with fall and changing leaves and school starting again and sweaters and hot drinks (chai tea anyone??). But the specific month of October I can do without. I'll explain...

Halloween is annoying. I've never enjoyed it. I've also never been into make-believe, so costumes and dressing-up are equally annoying. I don't mind the cute kiddo costumes, but I hate seeing all the gory, haunting, scary aspects of Halloween. And then there is the "buying of the candy that I will just give away to strangers, just to have it all come home again from my own kiddos..." Candy, candy, candy, blah, blah, blah... Sigh...can I just cover my eyes and pretend it will all just go away?

Now, aside from Halloween (don't get me started again), there is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." Which sounds great, but (and I'm going to complain here, so be warned) even though I realize the importance of bringing awareness to cancer (of all kinds), Cancer is once again thrown in my face and I am forced to remember everything Cancer took away from me. It is so overwhelming sometimes, to think of that list, what I lost because of Cancer, it brings me to tears. Huge tears. And October is a huge part of that. And I can't stand pink. Don't get me started on how much money raised from all the "pink" athletic items DOES NOT even go toward cancer research. Those companies have so much overhead, it's disgusting...I'll leave it at that.

Actually, every morning when I wake up and every night when I lay down to go to sleep, and every time I look at my children, every time they cry because they miss their Dad, and any time I look at anything around me, I'm reminded of what Cancer took from me. So, I don't know why I am picking on October. I guess it is because during the rest of the year, I can keep these thoughts and memories tucked safely inside the back of my mind and only pull them out when I want to hold them or even pull out the happy memories. But thanks to October and "Cancer Awareness Month" with Cancer struggles and stories are all over, my safe memories are ripped out again, where it's hard to control them and things can get messy. I don't like messy.

Now, after literally dumping my awful "Cancer" feelings all over this page, I want to leave you with those things I've received in spite of Cancer (because I normally try to be a positive person):
*Happy memories
*Two beautiful daughters
*A desire to learn 
*Empathy (and more tears)
*Perseverance
*A desire to be healthy
*Knowledge that cancer doesn't have to win
*Chemotherapy does not kill cancer
*Friendships
*Knowledge that families can be together forever
*Daryl still touches my heart
*The love of my Savior

Sigh, now I can probably get back to studying. :) Thanks for listening. I love my computer.

That wasn't as long as I thought...

Hmm, I really thought it was more like a year since I last posted...I guess after seven months I should have more to talk about than cancer, huh? Oddly enough, though, after that post, everything kind of just went down hill and didn't stop...
Long story or short story?
Short. The long one is too long now. I'll try to catch up somehow, or maybe not. Some things just need to be left in the past. There is almost too much I want to say, I don't know how to do it now.
Let's talk about changes!! That's an easier category to tackle. In February, I was finally able to change my work schedule so that I am working at night on the weekends (three 12-hour shifts). That means...I get to be home ALL WEEK!! You guys, you have NO IDEA how much this one change alone has improved my entire life! Shortly after I started doing that, I enrolled E into an online charter school and have been working with her at home. She still misses seeing her friends, but I think being able to play outside any time of day is working it's magic on her. She will dilligently work on her school work so she and L can go play at the park across the street or so we can go play at Nannie's. I have enjoyed so much having her home that I enrolled L in the school for kindergarten as well. There are lots of kids they play with in the neighborhood, so I don't worry about them making friends. But I really love the flexability we all have with their school schedule!
Also, there have been changes in our families. D lost his grandmother due to pneumonia, then I lost a cousin of mine in an auto accident. Both my sister and sis-in-law had miscarages last November. That was rough. The sis-in-law was able to get preggo agian, though, and she's due in a few weeks!
D had to have another surgery in March to remove another tumor. He started radiation therapy last week and is already feeling the tired effects of this treatment. Within the last week, though, we decided to start working with a Naturepath. Seriously, though, 5 surgeries, 2 rounds of chemo, now 2 rounds of radiation and a possible 6 surgery pending with the loss of hearing in one ear, what harm can some herbs and oils do? Might as well try it, cuz the Western medicine isn't doing such a great job :) I'm interested!
But, right now, I am looking so forward to summer my neck is going to give out! The last few days have been really warm and we have enjoyed splashing in the blow-up pool at my Mom's. Did I say how much I love my job schedule?? Beautiful days, beautiful days...

Easter and a smart child

So, I've toyed before with the idea of just telling the kids that I am Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. I just hate all the hiding and lying and sneaking around. But I haven't because I don't want to kill the innocence and excitement. I figured they'll find out soon enough. And I was right. The girls and their cousins were at the table on Saturday eating lunch. I was in the kitchen cutting up fruit for them, listening. Sure enough, one of the older boys said, "You don't still believe in the Easter Bunny, do you?" I kept my back to them, waiting to hear how the rest of the conversation went. Eliza didn't say anything, probably not wanting to look like a "baby" in front of her older cousin (he can be a teaser).

I could have jumped in and stopped him, but I didn't. He quickly said, "It's just your parents." And I waited for the reaction, with my back to them, so I couldn't see her reaction. I didn't want her to see my face. The next thing I heard, they were running outside to play.

But it caught up with me later. I was helping the girls brush their teeth before bed. Lydia left the bathroom but Eliza stayed behind. I started brushing my teeth, Eliza asked, "Mom, are you really the Easter Bunny?" Yes, it's me and Dad. She just nodded her head, then I could see she was putting more puzzle pieces together..."Santa Clause...?" I nodded and smiled. She gave me a half-smile and I hugged her and asked her to not tell her sister. She agreed, then stopped. "Does this mean I don't get any more presents?" :) Always thinking.

So, the inevitable happened, and she seems ok with it, and I didn't have to be the one to kill the innocence. I was about her age when my brother told me about Santa Clause, and I turned
out OK. I still have a few more years before Lydia finds out...

One December Morning...

...I woke up and it was 50 degrees outside!?!

So, winter in Utah isn't much different than winter in (southeast) Idaho, except there tends to be more snow in the mountains...mostly. That, and snow storms (or even the mention of them) will shut down entire communities...mostly :)

L said to me the other day: Mom, if you want me to do that, then you have to give me a sucker first, or I won't be your little helper. Does that make you sad?

Yes, yes it does.

The other day, I asked Jordan to do something. He responded, "Oh, I thought you said ..."

Um...okay...I guess he's 10...

E refused to help L put away her laundry the other day because "she (L) hates me (E)."

And so it begins.

So, as you can see, our little ones are growing up. L is trying desperately to forge her place in our family, determined to no longer be "the baby." Even though she's the youngest, she will NOT be bossed around. And I'm learning that I can't just "tell her" to do something; it needs to be "her idea." She is soo her father's daughter :)

E is to the point in her little life where social connections, to her, make all the difference between a "good day" vs. an "awful day." That, my friends, is a daily struggle, trying to un-teach her what the world tries every day to shove in her face. And she's only eight. Sigh, one day at a time.

J, bless his heart, is the best big brother in two families. He can be so sweet and helpful and so patient with the girls. And then, he can be, well, an older brother. But, he's quick to apologize. This step-parent thing is awkward sometimes, but he has a big heart.

D has been keeping busy the last few months, driving truck for a company out of Logan. They send him all over the western states. Right now, he's on his way home from Phoenix, AZ. He's gone most of the week, but he usually gets to be home for the weekends and holidays. Nice. After we moved into our new place, before he went back to work, he was able to put up shelves in our garage. Just in time for the first snow, we were able to park BOTH cars in the garage! Yeah for no scraping windows!! :)

I've been keeping busy with laundry, baking, homework, work, and oh yeah! I'm the new Daisy and Brownie Girl Scout Troop Leader! :) Yup, they sucked me in...and it is so much fun! Yes, it's one more thing, but after our first meeting (it's at E's school), one of the Kindergarten girls (a Daisy) came up, gave me a hug and said, "You'll make the best leader." It was all I could do to not start bawling right there! Can you tell that to my daughter and her friends, please?? Thanks!
So, that's pretty much our life right now, a snap-shot into our daily lives as we know them today. I hope this note finds you all happy, healthy and enjoying the season of celebration of the birth of Our Saviour. Because of him, we have what we need.

All our Love and Joy to you,
The Peay Family

PS: Get Ready for GS Cookies!!

Evidence of the Craziness that is my Life

Funny story:

16 September was 5 years being married (to each other...just wanted to clarify). We've been together for 6 years. Well, 29 September 2004 was our first date. All year I've talked to him about wanting to do this or that, eat at this restaurant, go somewhere, buy me this...or not. I change my mind a lot. But it was all just 'something in the future.' Nothing ever really was planned.

And what happens when we don't plan??

We forget :)

Yup. We both forgot. I was working that day; D was on the road driving something somewhere. But, it wasn't just something we forgot and were all, "Hey, oh man. Too bad we didn't arrange to be together today, but Happy Anniversary anyway." Oh, no! I don't remember what even made me think of it, but Saturday night (two entire days later!!), after a loooong day at the fair and the kids in bed and D fast asleep, I realized we forgot the ENTIRE day.

Then I giggled, realizing that I remembered before him! I can get something out of that, right? Maybe at least some See's chocolates ;)

Happy 5 years, D. I'm so glad we found each other. I have a feeling there will be many more years to come and hopefully better planning :) xoxox

My Girls

I took advantage of my sister while we were up in Idaho last week. And I say that with all the love an older sister can congure up for a younger sibling. She has more creativity in her little finger than I do in my whole being. And if ever any of you think I am creative at something, it is because I got the idea from her :)

Seriously, though, I love the photos she takes. She works with the lighting, finding the perfect background, angling the camera just so... For example, I wanted to do pictures of the girls in the morning because it fit into the schedule of the day. She said, "The lighting won't be right." I said, "What are you talking about? It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow!" Sheesh! I totally knew what she ment by the morning sun not being the best time of day; I was just playing dumb :) But that's one of our many differences, Left vs Right Brain functions, pretty much explains our childhoods.

Anyway, so Yes, every time I can get cute and fun pictures of the gilrs in something other than ragged play clothes, I have to; I like to document their dresses, mainly because they are so adorable and grow out of them so fast. Plus, she'll edit them and make them look even MORE amazing! I love it! :)

Thanks, Sis :) xoxox

PS check out her mad editing skills HERE

What a Weekend

D had to go back into the hospital. He spiked a temp on Friday (101.3!) so he had to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics. Unfortunately, on Thursday evening, I had a PRK touch-up on my eyes that led to iodine getting into my left eye which equals pain! I couldn't open the left eye and the right eye was blurred so I was essentially useless and drugged for an insane amount of pain, OMG the pain! I think I would rather have back labor again than cut into my eyes and have iodine seep into them!

I had a nice weekend with my family from ID, also, from what I could see. My mother found out about the eye stuff and D having to go to the hospital, so she had my sister drive her down, pick up me and the kids and drive us to ID for the long weekend. My sister and I took over the dining room table with my bead stuff and made all sorts of fun things. Yeah, try threading a beading needle with one eye :) Ahhh, I love family.

Anyway, my eyes feel better but will be blurry for a while still. D will be able to go home tomorrow and our lives will go back to some semblance of normal, which I know is relative :) ... just as long as I can get their bedroom put back together, all will be well with the world.

Simplicity

E and I enjoyed a small walk along a trail path after school yesterday. She was completely enamoured about finding out there where no Leprechauns and that a four-leaf clover is botenologically impossible. The rest of the conversation went seriously like this:

E - But, Mom, when kids like me find out that a story isn't real, that its just something parents are telling their kids, when we find out it's not real? It makes us really sad.

Me - Well, it's kind of like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. They are just fun stories because it's fun to pretend and use our imaginations.

E - But, Mom. The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are real, so that doesn't count.

Me - (sigh and try to hold back the laughs while smiling)

E - Besides, what would you do with all those teeth??

I hugged her so tight and we had a good laugh.
Hey, world, I tried to be honest and logical with my growing child, but I loved the result!! :)

Home Again

While D and I were having lunch together Friday at the Bistro, I was eating my delicious salad when he reached over, grabbed a napkin and dabbed his eyes. He was tearing (funny side note: E said once that she was just 'sweating out her eyes.' hehehe). He said he was going to tell me something but he started tearing up before he started. Awwww. He said he dreamt early that morning that L, our youngest, was laying on him and hugging him. He went to hug her back and woke up, and of course no one was there. He was pretty upset about it.

He's such a social guy. He doesn't like to do things by himself. When we're not together, unless I'm at work, he likes to be on the phone talking with me, or other friends if I can't talk. He'll do anything if I do it with him! And, he loves his kids and loves to hug them and hold them and play with them. So, when he's alone at the hospital, he says night time is the hardest. Not only is he in a small bed by himself, but no one comes and jumps on him in his bed to give him a good morning hug :)

D came home from the hospital late Friday night. He could have stayed the night and gone home Saturday morning, but once he made the suggestion, I agreed he would sleep better once he returned home. Plus, the girls were already staying with his sister for the night. So, we came home and slept in until 10am. It was heaven!

Now he's resting and so are the children...and in a way, so am I :)
Have a nice week, everyone!

Olympics!! (hand pump in air!!)

So far, since Friday ~I (heart) DVR~ I've been staying up late every night watching the events for the day and sometimes from the evening before. I've even been totally lazy on my days off, just sitting and watching and fast-forwarding TV and munching popcorn and chocolate chips. Love it!!

AND, I have enjoyed my Olympic watching so much that I've involved the children...well, I've tried too anyway. Pretty much the only thing that will hold their attention is figure skating...and it's pushing it with the short program, so the long program is out. They're off doing whatever else before the skater has finished their second combination!

Regardless, watching the Pairs Skating last weekend with their short programs, of course I'm going to be behind the USA guys! However, I always have a soft spot for underdogs, too. Since the judges took any chance away from the US couples ~even though none of the US couples had any falls yet somehow received lower scores, whatever~ I was all for Xue Shen and Hongbo Zhao from China (the couple who have been together for 18 years and were married last summer) to get the gold! Good for them! Love a good story!!

Then, there is the Canadian Men's skater, 19 year old kid who has so much pressure on his shoulders, did a great job but according to the commentators, has a lot still to develop. Bless his heart :) and I loved watching him skate to the Phantom of the Opera!

But it wouldn't be fun unless it came down to Russia vs USA. Apparently the scoring system has changed ~ not that I knew much about it before ~ but I guess falls still take points away. Dang. Unless you're on a pairs team, in that case an "almost-fall" takes away more points than the actual "fall" but I digress. Anyway, Plushenko from Russia had a quad jump planned in both his short and long programs. And he did it, in both, but from my untrained eye the landings were wobbly and not as clean as others or even as clean as his triple jumps ~ and apparently my untrained eye can't figure out how falling can equal more points, but we're moving on. But, yes, to his credit, he landed a quadruple jump. What did Lysacek have? A whole bunch of other jumps and fancy footwork! I could have done with out the feathers, but hey! Even with a wingspan rivaling Michael Phelps, he was the most graceful grown man on ice I've seen in a long time! So, the Russian feels the gold was stolen from him, but read this article and you'll totally agree with how and why Lysacek has every reason to cherish that gold medal! Good for him.

It's been a fun week and I can't wait for the weekend again!! Men's Hockey on Sunday, Canada vs USA!!! And I don't even like hockey, but I'll watch this! Also, I totally cried when Lindsey Vonn made it down the mountain ~ ALIVE ~ and won the gold. What an amazing feeling that must have been. And that's what I love about the Olympics: even if our country is out of the race, there is always another story, another person's personal trial to overcome adversity and struggle to the top. And we can all celebrate that! Speaking of celebrating, how about celebrating that two Koreans trip over each other right before the finish line leaving space for you to slide into the Silver medal?? Now that's a nice day, Apollo :)

Enjoy Today...

I wanted to write this post at the beginning of January, being in line with starting off a New Year, yadah, yadah, yadah, but something happened...Oh, yeah! Life! Ironic.

Earthquakes in Haiti, a short family trip over a long weekend, loosing a memory card full of pictures (then finding out my sister downloaded the whole thing to her computer too so I can at least recover them!), a house full of sickies including myself, getting back to work, catching up on everything, trying to enjoy something. You know, normal everyday stuff we all are familiar with. Add a daily dose of really good chocolate and you pretty much have my 'every day' in a nutshell.

And yet, it all goes by so fast! My oldest turned 10 just a few weeks ago. Christmas seemed like just yesterday yet February is almost half over!

Now and then I will catch myself contemplating and reflecting on...life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness :) and also all of these in respect to my children. I am in a time and place in my life which revolves around the children. I could go crazy trying to give my children all the social, developmental and physical stimuli available. But, seriously, is it necessary? The 10 year old enjoys video games and building things from anything. The 71/2 year old enjoys drawing and painting and writing. The 31/2 year old enjoys being read to, jumping/running and scribbling. However, the 10 year old needs to work on reading; the 7 year old needs to work on math; the 3 year old...well, she's Three. 'Nough said.


And in my desire to give them the most fulfilled, enriched, enlightened, developed childhood, I could very well pass up the opportunity to give just what I am supposed to as a parent...Myself. And this is my struggle. I work full time because my husband can't; I am home late; sometimes I leave early in the morning; I am often tired; I try to cook healthful meals and succeed most days, but Ramen noodles and veggies is a family favorite; I have 3 beautiful children and a husband who also desperately need my attention.


So, pretty often I have to remind myself of my truest joy, my family, and what I want my children to learn from me: Make the most of your opportunities; We can't always skip school, but there are some exceptions; Organization is important but so is spontaneity; You will have your family forever so learn to enjoy them.


And, enjoy today...before it's all just a memory.

I Have A Dream...

...and I'm always reminded of it over a long weekend :)

Actually, working as a Nurse, I was never really able to enjoy long weekends or even holidays because I was always working! Holiday pay, baby!! But now that I work in an Operating Room, I don't have to work weekends OR holidays! Wow! What a nice change! I still pinch myself.

Can I just tell you how much I love my job???

I've never really talked about work much on this blog. It's never good to mix work with personal stuff. Separation is good...and necessary :) But I love my co-workers. We are a small Operating Room with a handful of Neuro Surgeons doing a range of brain surgery and neuro spine surgery, 4 rooms, a branch of the Main Operating Room. We are a small family and really enjoy it. Well, I enjoy it. The people I work with make me laugh every single day. Some of those people have been gone this week, and I miss them!

As for the weekend, I have a dream, too. Not quite like Martin Luther King, Jr, but it's still a dream: Sleeping the day away without any responsibility.

That won't even happen this weekend. I'm going to play too much with my brothers and sisters and brand new niece!!

But it's still a good dream :)

Where Do These Things Come From??

E, after much trial and twisting and coaxing, finally pulled out another tooth!! She has so many wiggly ones and finally wiggled one of those out. So, she put the tooth under the pillow, anxiously waiting to fall asleep and waking up to the extra $$$. I told D before we went to bed, "Do NOT let me forget to go in there." A few hours later, I'm asleep :)

D took in some $$ around 5:30am.

E woke up and was so excited to show me her $$. Then she added, "Dad brought me the money, I woke up and saw him. But the Tooth Fairy still took my tooth!"

Insert here, either perfect opportunity to lay into one of the many false-hoods we feed our children, or just move on and go make breakfast.

I chickened out and, hugged her, help her put her money away and went to make breakfast. I know, I know. But I just wasn't in the mood for that conversation. I know where it will end up..."So sorry Sweetie, but yes, it's true. I have been lying to you for 71/2 years about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and yes, the Tooth Fairy. But hey, I'll still give you money for your teeth. Now you don't have to wait all night! Isn't that great? Yes, you can still get presents at Christmas."

Seriously? The Tooth Fairy? Who thought this up? Not only money for your tooth, but you have to put it under your pillow and some "fairy" will take it to who-knows-where, and why?

I don't know!

Is it fun? But is it fun to find out the reality? Why do we do this to ourselves, and pass it on to our children?

And, yes, I think I can handle THIS Tooth Fairy :)

And Now We're Off...

...Off to the races!! But I have a distinct feeling I won't be running any legitimate races this year. HOWEVER, I WILL be making more time for myself. And yes, an hour at the gym every day is blissful and I will embrace every one of those 60 minutes!

As for the new year, we (as a family) have a lot we want to accomplish/do/visit. Personally, I have made a Resolution to NOT make any Resolutions this year. Not that I think resolutions are bad, or that if you have a Resolution List that you are weak. Not At All. We all need lists. I am a huge fan of lists! Lists are my life! However, this resolution business has never really worked for me. By March, I've pretty much given up on the Resolution and moved on to goals for the rest of the year. So, I figured, Why not just start with a Goal in the first place?? Then I can simply bypass the disappointment all together!! Beautiful!

Until now, I've always assumed that "Resolution" was just a fancier word for "Goal," until I actually looked it up. Resolution, as mentioned here, seems to be more of a verb behind the goal, the extra something that increases the motivation to accomplish a goal. So, essentially, these last 20 years, I've lacked Resolution this whole time instead of wanting to find it!

Now that I've set myself straight (thank you thesaurus.com) I can focus on what I really want to accomplish this year. I won't make you read them all, but I have a special place in my private room (actually, it's only private when the door is locked) where I'm keeping track of these things. I'll also post it on the fridge so my husband can see his required level of involvement. We'll see if this will work for us, but I can Guarantee You that one hour, maybe 90 minutes, six days a week, will be Me Time at our local Rec. Center. Those 60+ minutes may or may not always include a Tread Mill/Weights :)

Off to a Great Start, Everyone!! Here's to a Great 2010!!

(Picture found here)

Bring It On

Glad I'm not there, but it looks cool, huh? :)

So, the end of 2009 brings not only the end of another year, but the end of yet another decade in my life. Hard to believe that the last end of a decade was actually the end of a Century as well! Holy crap, has it really been 10 years? But I still remember what I was doing this day, 10 years ago!

Not terribly exciting, though. I was in the first few months of my mission in Switzerland. So, as you can imagine, New Year's Eve as a missionary isn't too crazy, but our ward was having a party to bring in the New Year, fire works and everything! Dang, those Mormon Swiss really know how to party! And of course there was excellent food, as always (the chocolate is just for the tourists...and me).

And who remembers the Y2K scare? Um, yeah, that was embarrassing, wasn't it. Not much came out of that except the realization that mass media has the ability to put fear into the hearts of men. And to that I say, "No one expects a Spanish Inquisition!" (all hale Monte Python)

So, tonight we celebrate J's 10th birthday (that was really yesterday, but because of visitation schedules he is ours today and the rest of the weekend...) at Chuck-E-Cheese with an insane amount of other people, I'm sure, then let the kids watch the East Coast version of Rock'n New Year's Eve (because it's over at 10pm) and all go to bed happy. Then we'll wake up to a new year, more new snow and a warm breakfast. Maybe I'll trick them and cook oatmeal :)

Good Bye, 2009. You will be a great memory but I look forward with great anticipation!! xoxox

Merry Christmas to All...2009

And now it's on to a New Year!

I'm sitting here, on my couch, on a snowy, lazy day, watching the girls color and paint and draw. Hot chocolate anyone?

So, instead of thinking what to do for dinner, because we've been snacking all day, I wanted to put our year down in review so that I may have better records in order to make better choices next year.

In January, we found ourselves in a fun little apartment on campus with a spectacular view of the Salt Lake valley. I enjoyed living so close to work and the children enjoyed the close play area. We had lots of mingling and really enjoyed our University Ward.

The summer was a fun adventure. We took the family to Yellowstone and the children were such troopers with all the trails and hikes. It was beautiful to see the vegetation growing back after the fire 20 years ago. We also had a fun camping trip to Redfish Lake with Nannie and Grandpa Bartschi in August. We love visiting there and have fun going back every summer

D needed to take a break with school, so since he wasn't going to school, we had to move away from our spectacular view. It was a sad day :) But we found the coziest apartment in American Fork, just around the corner from D's parents. It has been so great being so close to family again. We've really missed it and have realized the blessings of family.

With all the moving around, I haven't been able to get the girls back into piano or other activities. And now that I no longer have a piano (you're welcome, my Sister), we are either looking at obtaining a keyboard or maybe something else entirely. I asked E the other day if she'd like to take violin lessons. Sure, she's up to anything until it comes down to practice time. We'll see how it goes. I still haven't decided.

J is still gaining in Karate skills and goes every week with his mom and other half-sister. He's showing greater confidence and enjoys showing his moves and skills with his sisters, all of them :) He is in 4th grade this year and is also a great reader and mathematician, not to mention helper, dishwasher and vacuumer. Of course, when he comes for our visits the children all play and bicker like regular brother and sisters, but he's an enjoyable part of our family.

E has been enjoying school and making friends. Every day she has another story from the playground. Good heavens, if I recorded them all, what a fantastically silly book that would be! She's become quite an artist as well. Her portraits are amazingly accurate. She can even portray emotions on the faces of her subjects! We'll need to get a full sized portfolio soon to keep track of all her pieces. She's in 2nd grade now and doing well. She's our social butterfly, and a butterfly is her favorite image/decoration as well.

L turned 3 over the summer but I didn't feel she was ready for pre-school as of September. Now, almost January, she's starting to show more coordination with her scribbling and drawing. She loves to copy E, but was able to put together a recognizable face (circle, eyes, nose and mouth) all in the right general places! I was so excited and called my mother to brag! Even just today she drew a simple flower with petals. It's amazing how quickly the little ones progress! One day they are scribbling and the next? Making faces and connecting squares! She loves anything Princess or Barbie and to dress up and dance. She also loves to sing along to songs on the radio. She's also a great helper and loves to be with her brother and sister. Good thing for D she's still takes a nap, occasionally.

D's health has been okay this year. His cancer is still staying away, but he found a few other things wrong with his liver, Hemochromatosis mainly. Between that and trying to control his blood sugar, he's been pretty tired. But now that he's managing them both better, we hope to both pick things up this next year.

I'm still working in the Neuro Operating Room and loving it, or just loving the people I work with. Either way, it works out for a good work week. I've also been called to be the Beehive Advisor in our new ward. This is my first experience in YW since I left. It's been great so far, and so much fun! Also, in my minimal spare time I've taken up knitting (a baby blanket, scarves and hats for the kids, now working on a scarf for myself) and it's been so fun to be creative with my hands while commuting! Most of my knitting time is on the train to and from work. I really do enjoy that 45 minutes up to the hospital, all to myself and my ipod, on the train three times a week.

We had a wonderful Christmas, even being able to spend a part of it up in Idaho with my family for a few days. Those days in Idaho always go by too fast and we never get as much done as we want to do! I sure do miss seeing them often. Nevertheless, with a trip to Temple Square and special FHE events, we were able to have many conversations about the true meaning of Christmas. We are so grateful to have those meanings and explanations in our lives, as well as the knowledge that our Savior lives, loves us, and wants us to be happy in the knowledge of the Gospel. May you all enjoy everything a New Year has to offer, and here's wishing we find even more happiness (and a plane ticket to Hawaii) in the months to come!!

Love, the Peay Family

Where do we go from here?

And so we are coming up to the ending of another year gone by...gone by way too fast, if you ask me. Seriously, I remember being younger and hearing older people say the cliche's of "Time goes too fast...blah, blah, blah" and thinking, You have GOT to be kidding me!! Day after dreaded day of school, homework, studying...I couldn't wait to escape it all! But escape it to what? Getting a job? Starting relationships? Having children? Cleaning the house and laundry? Really?

What? No more Summer Vacation? Not even a Spring Break?

Now you're telling me I have to use Vacation Time for that?

deep cleansing breath.......and exhale! Okay, so sorry. That is all encroaching on an entirely different topic than what I was wanting to reference :)

Ya know what? I'll just go with it. I have another two weeks to talk about looking back and new ideas for next year. Plus, an idea just hit me so maybe by writing it down in cyberspace, I'll be able to have some new grasp on some of the "whys" of life :)

Rachel's Assessment To the Passing of Time:

I plan

Yup, that's it...I'm a planner, very little risk-taker (actually, one time I did take a risk and even with all my after-planning, it blew up in my face), but I can plan the begeezes out of anything. I credit that to my Dad and genetics (and OCD), and also to general schooling starting very young. We all remember homework, studying, social activities, fitting it all together. We are trained to plan, plan for today, tomorrow, money, the unexpected, emergencies (even though being 'prepared for children' seem like an oxymoron).

So, as I age and life starts happening, I start planning: planning for college, planning for a mission, planning on finishing college, planning a wedding, planning income, planning for the baby, planning to finish college before baby gets too big, planning for vacations, planning for baby's future, planning for a house...

Then that gets broken down into the daily/weekly/monthly activities that need planning :) A vicious cycle, from which I cannot brake the bands...and yet, it seems our lives would fall apart with out some sort of planning and balance and structure (ie: budgets, schedules, traffic lights).

So here I sit, just talked with D about going to Moab for the kid's Spring Break next April and we aren't even through Christmas yet! But we have to make reservations! :) And now I'm trying to figuring out the fine line between being organized and missing the whole life experience!

So it's finding the balance between organizing life and being able to enjoy the organization...organize, then enjoy the event before moving on!

This is simply written down for my personal visual imprint. Everyone enjoys and lives their lives the way they see fit. I am simply trying to tell myself to slow down, organize tomorrow but enjoy today before it's all just a memory. Maybe that will be my theme for next year...

To Tell or Not To Tell

...and so begins the Holiday Season, stores become transformed into Holiday Wonder-Shopping-Lands and the center of the Mall becomes a child's magical toy fantasy! Who wouldn't want to believe in the Magical Guy (aka Santa Clause) after seeing all that? Not to mention the stories...

Over the last month or so, I've been trying to get out of the kids their most wanted desire to have under the tree on Christmas morning. Of course the 3-year old wants everything she sees, so I have to remind her what it is she really wants (and what I already have for her). Now she's saying it regularly and wants to go back and remind Santa. E has changed her mind a few times too, so I waited to make sure she had decided. Then I found the perfect basic art easel that will give her hours of drawing pleasure and yards of paper. Luckily she's sticking with that for now. She may need a gentle reminder, too, though. :)

Now, J, our 10 year old son, as far as I can tell, still wants to believe...but I think he may be catching on. The other night the children were looking at the presents under the tree, finding theirs, rearranging...then began a verbal Christmas Wish List from J and E. I didn't want them to get their hopes too high, so I jumped in. "Listen, guys. It's been a rough year for everyone with money and jobs. Santa will only be giving each child one gift, and with so many children in the world, let's not be greedy, okay?" I was hoping that would be a good enough excuse to move their thoughts to other things...

J looks confused at me, "I thought Santa's bag was magic."

Who wants cookies!!

I'm really embarrassed..

...and have to admit that what I am going to share with you is sad for me but also so darn cute I couldn't help but laugh! Then, I ran right over to them and hugged them...then we made a cake :) I hope to never hear that again.

Overheard while the children were playing and I was doing something in the kitchen...

E - Let's play house
All - Okay!
E - I'm the Mom and Jordan is the Dad. L, you can be the baby.
Some time passes...
L - Mom?
E - I'm busy
J - Don't say that!
E - Why?
J - Because that's what I'm supposed to say!

Lesson Learned
but wasn't that still funny?? :)

When she called...

...I realized it had been months since I'd talked with my own Grandmother! Wow, how does that happen? We even work in the same hospital :) different days, though, but still! That's no excuse. Sorry, Grandma :)

We chatted for a bit, and she made me realize that there may be a few other people who check up on this blog, just for kicks and giggles. So, even though I feel in a rut, I need to write something before time gets too far away from me and before I know it, it's Christmas!

I've been taking pictures with the intent of using this or that picture in a post...but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I keep waiting for life to slow down...but it hasn't yet. I think, "After this then I will be able to..." or "Just get through this next week and things will..."

Yeah, No. And that's the hard part. We can't just wait around for stuff; at least I can't. I just keep going and going and doing and washing and cooking and cleaning and putting things back together...and wake up and do it all over again

Except, today I put off doing laundry and took E with me to go to a Holiday Boutique and bought myself some extra Christmas presents :) (Thanks Lori, Brook and Lina!!). Then she and I went to lunch where I made her try dipping her bread in the roasted garlic and olive oil deliciousness, and guess what? Much to her surprise, she loved it! Imagine that. Next, we went to find the perfect present for L and to find a few things for our bare tree. We made out like bandits! All the presents under the tree are driving the kids nuts! I'm considering putting them all away so they aren't tempted to unwrap them!

But there is something comforting about seeing the lit Christmas tree, even sparsely decorated, with presents underneath. It's almost like I can look at that and know things are okay. We are okay. We have food in our cupboards and in our fridge, the furnace is blowing, no one is coughing today, and the children will have something to open on Christmas. That means a lot considering the last few years. Two years ago, some generous people gave us presents, things we couldn't even give ourselves. Not that this year is extravagant by any means, but it's a good thing the kids are still young and we can get away with small gifts still!! :)

So, I guess, until life slows down, my camera will fill up with pictures :) and I'll relish times like tonight when, after I put the girls in bed, I turn on music instead of the TV and relax in the quiet and the soothing lights that are Christmas.