Well, that escalated quickly...

So the last week has been a bit lazy, considering I have been traveling 2-3 days a week for the past year...but I have been able to do so many little projects around the house!! Curtains are up! Carpets have been vacuumed! New rugs and door mats have been laid out (so many pine needles from outside coming in!!!)! Hooks have been hung in various places! Snow is melting all over and there is water seeping into the basement, but the property's handyman is supposed to come tomorrow and "evaluate" the 70 year old foundation...I may just have to get a blower and keep it running 24/7 until we get past Spring...and there is mold, so...

But, Sunday was a good day. The lesson in RS was about having hope...it could be applied to many things, but basically hope in Christ, hope in the plan of salvation, hope in living like Christ. My first thought was the kind of hope Daryl had after his diagnosis of beating cancer and watching the children grow older, and how I had to pretend to have hope as well but I knew too much. I didn't want him to know what I knew, of course, but my view was clouded because of my understanding of both his type of cancer and his treatment options. Of course I didn't know exactly how long he had before the cancer would overtake him, but I knew it wasn't too many years.

I wanted to share that experience in RS that day...but I didn't. I worry that people will be annoyed if I share too many of those lessons I learned while my husband suffered and tried to stay strong; l worry that they will think, "Oh good heavens, haven't you talked enough about your dead husband already? It's been almost 4 years, for crying out loud." Maybe not. Either way, those lessons were for me, I guess...but a part of me feels like if I can share what I experienced, maybe it will touch someone else who didn't have to go through that? Other wise, what was it all for?? For me to just shell it all up in a nice book, never to read or touch again because it's too painful? Who wants to hear these stories? Who wants to read these lessons? They are good memories for me, but it feels like there should be more to it! For the girls to read when they are older? Maybe...probably...(long pause...)

Oh, wow. Am I supposed to write a book??? (super...long...pause...while I stare at my computer screen...)

I could do it like journal or blog entries... can I remember back that far? I have my journals, and my blog archives, and the rest just fill in as I go...

Holy crap, this is terrifying...who would buy a book by me?  Maybe I won't sell it; maybe it's just for us. But, what do I have to tell that hasn't already been told?? That life goes on after cancer? Lots of people talk about that...that life can go on after being left behind?? So many people, with actual facebook and twitter followers, are showing that (and some are making a ton of money off it!!). What is my motivation? Getting all of these memories out of my head and into a permanant place?? Giving them a purpose? A purpose...that all of that suffering (and forever pain, even if it's small) will have a purpose...​

I have absolutely no idea...but it HAS to come out. They WANT to come out; they are TRYING to come out, but there is no place for them...

Well, I have 2-3 months before I actually start working...I've got nothing but time...

OMG I just talked myself into writing a freaking book...

Home Sweet...IKEA

I know this picture is dark, but I am again in love with my bedroom!
And, my family is well aware of my love for IKEA...I should have invested in their stock...do they have stock??
In all the places we've lived over the last 6 years, this room is the largest bedroom we've had to ourselves, and we have a King sized mattress! Oh, wait, the student apartment bedroom was large, too, but I didn't have these shears or these pillows!! :)
With the shape of the room, and our large bed, there was no other placement option of the bed than right in front of a wall of windows, the only long wall in the space. We've never had a headboard. It's just never been high on the priority list, but I've always had pillows. However, I've never actually bought a decorative pillow outside of the living room. Nope, I lied. I bought some fun pillows for the girls' beds last year. So, that was the first :) I guess I figured it was time for my bedroom...and when I saw them, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have them, and then decorate my bedroom around them.
Another thing I've never had: nightstands, at least matching ones. Honestly, the ones I wanted, I can't really justify right now, but I was tired of not having anything. So I bought these because the price was right. I was skeptical on the color, but it was the only one available. Again, the price was right. And now? Oh, how I love them!! The perfect casual color, the perfect place for my lamps that I've waiting so long to be able to use (lamp shade here)...lamp sticks were bought at Wal-Mart over a year ago and have been in storage until now...
The shears are white and gauzy and flowing and huge! And YES they really are $4.99 for TWO panels!! They are long, too, and the package says you can cut to length but I didn't cut them because I likes how they gathered on the floor. I have 6 panels total, three on each side of the bed. The moment they were all on the rod and arranged, the room felt so much softer and cozier! Just makes me want to cozy up in my down comforter and down pillows with hot chocolate and a book!

Feels good to be home

I had some time to myself last week. D took the kids with him to his father's family reunion in Springville UT from Thursday until Saturday. Just starting my new job last month, I couldn't get the time off. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but after I realized I wouldn't see any of them for 3 days, I was a bit melancholy. So, what do I do with all that time? I work late and put myself on call :) of course! Wouldn't you know, I didn't even get called in! Figures.

So, after working 55 hours that week, by Friday night, I was really tired, physically and mentally. I literally sat down in front of the tv and didn't move for 3 hours. Then I went to bed. But, wouldn't you know, I woke up bright eyed at 7:30 Saturday morning! :) Figures.

I organized the bills, payed them, then went grocery shopping. After that, I went to a few "antique" stores around town. My initial goal was to find something for the girls to play "tea" with. What I ended up with was quite the display! I found an entire service for 6 (cups, saucers, salad plates, dinner plates and gravy boat) with pears and apples on them! I've adopted a fruit theme in my kitchen so when I saw the price of $23 I really felt justified :) The next store I was able to find some mis-matched cups and saucers (and an adorable tiered server) for only a few dollars!

The fruit pitcher and the green bowls were added finds, along with the mini candle sticks. And, the best part? The girls loved them as much as I did!

I haven't had that much time to myself in a really long time. I missed them terribly, but I knew they were having a blast with their cousins (and they did!). And, when they came home, I felt rejuvenated. That, and a beautiful walk alone in the hills with the summer sun and my ipod, did my body good.

I'm HOOOOOME!!

Well, technically, I've been home since Saturday, but it was a busy week and I needed time to relax and revive (thankyouverymuch, large soaking bathtub!!) and put off doing laundry and moving camping contents out of my living room (notice I didn't say 'away' just 'out of my living room'...).
Now, as promised, pictures of our New Home and some of my favorites of Redfish 2010
Enjoy!!
FYI: click on the "notes" under the picture for captions

Our New Home

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Redfish Lake, ID 2010

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Home Sweet Home

Life has been a bit crazy. In a super spur-of-the-moment decision (a moment which was literally handed to us), we decided to move...again. I knew our then-living situation would be temporary, but I never realized how small 5 people in 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom and no room in the kitchen for a proper table could be! :) But we made it work. It was a good situation, but when this opportunity presented itself, I realized just how tight everything was.


5 July: stumbled on the place ("We can do this, wow, we can totally do this!")

6 July: signed paperwork

13 July: started moving things into the garage until the painters were finished

28 July: finished moving everything else

So the last few weeks, we've been packing, loading, unloading, unpacking and unloading the garage :)

But, know what?? I'm not complaining. Why, you ask? a) I have a garage b) I have a kitchen with room for a proper table c) I have my own bathroom with a large soaking tub d) there is an area by the kids' room which has been designated 'the play area' e) there is an extra bedroom and bathroom f) there are 3 separate storage areas - not including the garage g) I have a dishwasher - machine h) I have room for my piano (formerly that of my parent's) :) I could go on, but you get the idea.


One night, after a long hot day, D and I were sitting outside on deck off the kitchen, looking at the view of Utah Valley, Utah Lake, Mnt Timp temple... enjoying the breeze after the super hot day and enjoying being off our feet. I just couldn't believe that this is now my home. We live here. We will be here for a very long time. We are Home.

Carrera Marble

These two words evoke a literal daydream, where I go to my happy place: my dream kitchen.

I have yet to see it in a picture, but I envision it in my mind. I came very close to seeing my dream home when we went through a model home at Bear Lake's Parade of Homes over Labor Day weekend. When we drove up to the driveway, my heart started beating faster. I sat in the car for a few moments, afraid to go in, afraid to be disappointed. I finally took a deep breath and left the car, because, truthfully, I was completely curious! I couldn't wait to see what was behind the Craftsman door!

I can't even begin to describe to you what this house was like, every detail, every built-in, every reading nook. Except that, when I walked through the front door, I had to literally hold back tears because there was a sales man there to greet us. I blamed it on itchy contacts :)

There were still a few things (very few) that I might have changed if we were to build it, but if I could have moved that house down to somewhere in Sugar House (anywhere east of 1300 E), I would have signed all the paperwork right then and there.

Alas, here I sit, in our two-bedroom cozy apartment, watching HGTV and dreaming of my dream kitchen/home. This apartment is the key to our future being debt-free and someday, having that carrera marble somewhere in that dream house!

p.s. OMGoodness! This is the house!! I wish you could see the inside!

New Poll

Wasn't that last poll about the chances of conceiving fun?? Thanks to all who put in their guesses. We'll see what happens! No news yet, but we aren't really holding our breath. Anyway, I'm getting ready to actually BUY some paint for my kitchen. I've been collecting paint cards and straining my eyes over different shades of yellow and soft greens and light and dark purples and burgandies to find the perfect matches. So, I've found some inspiration...in a wreath. And when I'm all done, you'll see what I mean, but it has the perfect colors for me right now. Soft yellow walls with sage green and dark purple sponging around the top portions, maybe some border around the big window. We will be putting more shelves up, too, to be able to add more cookie jars to my collection! But, the dilema is whether or not to have an accent wall over by the stairs. So, why not let some of you have a say? It'll be fun, but it won't last for long! I need to make up my mind soon before I forget to schedule this project into my life! Thanks for all your comments and encouragements!

April Fools Comes Early

Yes, the sick joke's on us, everyone in the Salt Lake Valley. Not on 1 April, though, no. April Fools caught everyone off guard when we woke up 31 March to TWO INCHES of snow! Yes, even at 9:30am I had to clean snow off my car (and why it's not in the garage is a whole other story). Eliza was bummed when I told her I didn't want to sit out in the cold when she asked if she could ride her bike. "But there is no snow on the sidewalk," she protested. If that were the only deciding factor...

THEN, the real April Fools comes: registering for Super Sports at the local Rec Center. Apparently it's a pretty popular youth summer program; this will be our first year. Registration in the past has been on Saturdays and people have literally camped out for places in the first-come-first-serve line that opens 6am Saturday morning. Well, last year the Rec Center started something new: You Pre-Register and get a #. Bring that # with you to the day of registration (today, a weekday). At 6am a random # is drawn (today was #53) and that person is first in line. Then all the other #s line up after in numerical order; after the last registration # (59), the line continues with #1,2,3... I was 44. I overheard someone saying last year there were 105 or so numbers, so I guess having it on a weekday cut out the not-so-serious contenders (lol I didn't even know about this program until my friend suggested, last Friday, we put our kids in together). :)

Aside from the insanely long 45min wait in line to pick the group I needed/wanted then another 45min wait in line to pay for said registration, it was a nice brisk walk to and from the Rec Center...snow in April...(sigh)...I sure hope Eliza and her friend have an insanely fun time with this program come June. She doesn't even know I've already scheduled most of her summer. I wouldn't have camped out, though...

Spring Forward...or around...or over there...

So, I called to vent to my mother this morning, telling her I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis! I'm sure you all understand my dramatic nature, and knowing that I'm not even 30 yet will make some of you chuckle, but I think I know to a small degree what it must feel like. I JUST NEED SOME SORT OF CHANGE!!

I'm not one for consistency. I LIKE to mix things up now and then (unless it comes to general physical health. That is a much needed-but not taken for granted-constancy!), and if it weren't for family needs, I would be okay with changing jobs every few years. The only thing is, I LOVE MY JOB. I really do. There is constant stimulation, no shift is ever the same, patients change. Maybe it's going to the same PLACE every time that is getting on me. Then there are some people (myself included) who would actually SEE where I work and would say, "You don't want to work HERE??" I know, it's a beautiful and warm and uplifting building and the people I work with have to be a group of the most competent nurses and case managers and social workers in the whole valley. I can't imagine myself anywhere else. Which was why I took the Nurse Supervisor job, but I must not do enough of that to offset my feelings of consistency.

Plus, there is so much that we need/would like to do to our house. The list is so daunting that I just want to move! The catch: In order to get the $$ out of this house, we'd have to do all that stuff anyway before we move. :) And I don't want to MOVE; I love this neighborhood and our ward and the kids' school and our friends...I just want a new house!! :) Every time we watch Extreme Home Makeover I just daydream about them showing up on our doorstep, but even with what we went through last year, there are so many more in such worse shape than we are. At least we are here, together, warm and generally healthy...but wouldn't it be fun!!

Anyway, Mom gave me some good ideas, and I think she's sooo right (of course!!)! The weather is starting to be sunny and warmer and I have never had Cabin Fever so bad, but it has just been such a long, cold winter!! So, since I can't move I'll rearrange! I'll work on the work situation later. :) But my house, I can do whatever I want to it. :) I want to paint the kitchen. Rearranging the toy room is a good idea. Doing something with our bedroom would be fun. I'll start with the girl's bedroom...today...after L wakes up from her nap...and after I take a nap...Okay, it's a good plan for tomorrow. I'll even draw up plans for the yard. I've wanted to do a new flower box, maybe even make the back patio bigger...all sorts of fun stuff!! Thanks, Mom!!