Well, that escalated quickly...

So the last week has been a bit lazy, considering I have been traveling 2-3 days a week for the past year...but I have been able to do so many little projects around the house!! Curtains are up! Carpets have been vacuumed! New rugs and door mats have been laid out (so many pine needles from outside coming in!!!)! Hooks have been hung in various places! Snow is melting all over and there is water seeping into the basement, but the property's handyman is supposed to come tomorrow and "evaluate" the 70 year old foundation...I may just have to get a blower and keep it running 24/7 until we get past Spring...and there is mold, so...

But, Sunday was a good day. The lesson in RS was about having hope...it could be applied to many things, but basically hope in Christ, hope in the plan of salvation, hope in living like Christ. My first thought was the kind of hope Daryl had after his diagnosis of beating cancer and watching the children grow older, and how I had to pretend to have hope as well but I knew too much. I didn't want him to know what I knew, of course, but my view was clouded because of my understanding of both his type of cancer and his treatment options. Of course I didn't know exactly how long he had before the cancer would overtake him, but I knew it wasn't too many years.

I wanted to share that experience in RS that day...but I didn't. I worry that people will be annoyed if I share too many of those lessons I learned while my husband suffered and tried to stay strong; l worry that they will think, "Oh good heavens, haven't you talked enough about your dead husband already? It's been almost 4 years, for crying out loud." Maybe not. Either way, those lessons were for me, I guess...but a part of me feels like if I can share what I experienced, maybe it will touch someone else who didn't have to go through that? Other wise, what was it all for?? For me to just shell it all up in a nice book, never to read or touch again because it's too painful? Who wants to hear these stories? Who wants to read these lessons? They are good memories for me, but it feels like there should be more to it! For the girls to read when they are older? Maybe...probably...(long pause...)

Oh, wow. Am I supposed to write a book??? (super...long...pause...while I stare at my computer screen...)

I could do it like journal or blog entries... can I remember back that far? I have my journals, and my blog archives, and the rest just fill in as I go...

Holy crap, this is terrifying...who would buy a book by me?  Maybe I won't sell it; maybe it's just for us. But, what do I have to tell that hasn't already been told?? That life goes on after cancer? Lots of people talk about that...that life can go on after being left behind?? So many people, with actual facebook and twitter followers, are showing that (and some are making a ton of money off it!!). What is my motivation? Getting all of these memories out of my head and into a permanant place?? Giving them a purpose? A purpose...that all of that suffering (and forever pain, even if it's small) will have a purpose...​

I have absolutely no idea...but it HAS to come out. They WANT to come out; they are TRYING to come out, but there is no place for them...

Well, I have 2-3 months before I actually start working...I've got nothing but time...

OMG I just talked myself into writing a freaking book...

And We're Moving On...

That was fun. No, I didn't make this pie; I bought it from someone at work who was selling them for a Scout fundraiser. I just let it un-thaw then zapped it in the micro for a few seconds. After I took this picture, I added two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and enjoyed sharing it with my hubby after the girls were in bed.

Why am a showing a picture of a piece of a pie I didn't make...? I was sick of politics and didn't have any chocolate :) This was the best I could do. Plus, it was delicious!! :)

Enjoy the small things, because before you know it, they're gone (like chocolate chips)!

Office Max vs Costco

Hi. My name is Rachel and I horde office supplies (All: Hi, Rachel).

I cannot go into Office Max with cash in my wallet or I will spend it on something, usually something I don't really need but I justify having...like when I went to Costco for diapers, milk and eggs but allowed myself to wander...I honestly had no direction, I just turned down the first isle I felt like...


It was like I was drawn to the office supply isle!! Boxes of paper, envelopes, pens, post-its, white-out.....my heart seriously skipped a beat and started racing! I was mesmorized, then realized I had a time constraint so I couldn't linger, much. So I quickly grabbed a box of security business evelopes and started walking faster (I couldn't just turn around; I had to at least finish the length of the isle) then I saw it!


Costco never has sales, but this had a "New Price" huge lable that made it stick out to suckers such as myself. And to what my wondering eyes did apper? A lable maker!! I started thinking of all the wonderful things I could label, as if I didn't know what was in those mysterious drawers...now I would. No more guessing. I justified $19.98 (came with two lable cartrages and batteries!), and ran toward the diaper isle. By the time I got to the eggs, I was flushed and couldn't wait to get home and label everything! I would be so much more organized!


I labled some craft drawers then stashed it and couldn't find it for about a month. Since then I've lost my passion to label. The battereis are going to die, I just know it! But Costco has bricks of those, too...

Confessions of a Card Game

These confessions might start being a regualr part of my blogging. I find it quite cathartic to get these things off my mind and realize that even though they are corney, I'm not a bad person for having random thoughts (in this case, actions).

I notoriously cheat at card games, Yahtzee, Sorry, BS or Pirate's Dice (but Pirate's Dice and BS don't really count because those are all about deception)...basically any game that involves cards and dice and taking advantage of many people waiting for a turn and not paying attention.

The confession started when I was explaining to Daryl the memories I have of our family camping trips when I was younger. There were a lot of rainy days and since we only had a tent, we were forced to spend time together. :) So I'm explaining that some of my most vivid memories were of all of us, stranded in a tent (warm and dry) and playing some sort of game (family favs were Rack-O, Uno, Yahtzee). I would, if I could see no one was paying particular attention, switch a card drawn for a different one or roll an extra roll or two with the dice to get different numbers, trying desperately for the Yahtzee or at least a friggin' large straight!! Then, Mack coming unglued, "Can you please stop her?!?" Looking back, I don't know which is better, getting away with a sly card switch or remembering the torture I caused my oh-so-sneaky older brother (he may remember it differently). Luckily we get along well. ;)

So you see, I'm not loading my decks or padding my numbers; I'm simply taking a roll out of turn or switching a card...is that really terrible? It never helps me win, if that's any consolation to anyone. I guess you'll just be more mindful if you're playing with me!

Curses, I've exposed myself! Better than dancing around a stupid toilet. :)

I Have A Confession...

Ok, I have to admit it. Nine times out of ten, when I go to a public restroom, I will go to the handicapped stall...Few! Boy I'm glad I got that off my chest.

But seriously, I enjoy being able to turn around, stretch, fasten my pants or fix my skirt, use my foot to push the handle and not have to dance around the stinky toilet bowl!! I hate going into a regular stall and have to straddle the friggin' toilet seat in order to get the freakin' door closed. Then, getting out of there without falling back in to the suctioning water....gives me the creeps. At least in a larger, more favorable stall I can control my environment and what I touch!

Of course I will give up my favorite spot if there is someone more in need. I succumb to using regular stalls, but if I have a choice or option, you get the idea.

Only once have I a come out of the larger, favorable stall and someone in a wheelchair was waiting...she and I were the only ones in the whole bathroom...and all the other stalls were empty. I smiled at her. What are the odds?