Another Look at the Pitty Party

It's been a while since I've posted anything about cancer (or I guess, how cancer has been a part of my family) for some time now. Now I'm curious...this was my last post about The Cancer in our lives. Read and enjoy, but join us back here for the rest of the discussion. :)

Good and thank you for returning! :)

Now that everyone is caught up, I think I need some mental time with the concept again (deep breath) and that time is now, because I am sitting here...with time...and thoughts.

I think I purposefully haven't posted anything about The Cancer because it makes it seem too real...but it is real, isn't it? I can't just will it out of his life (who is also a part of mine). I guess I have to deal with it sometimes...only on My terms

**Hi. My name is Rachel and my husband was diagnosed with Cancer in 2007. He spent that year in and out of the hospital having 10 week-long rounds of chemotherapy every 5-6 weeks then had 30 days of radiation treatments. I started working full time in order to support the family and have insurance. Since February of 2008, we go through an emotional roller coaster every 3 months as we wait for MRI results. We look at every bump, worry about every pain, and I'm sure he looses more sleep over every detail, wondering...Is this it? Will it happen again?**

D had a thyroid scare last week and it will be biopsied next week, and I'm not too worried about that. But, in the same area as his first tumor, there is a "mass" that has been hanging out, soaking up contrast and dye and white cells for almost a year and has recently decided to enlarge itself. We've known about it; the doctors are 'watching' it. We found out this morning that it's gotten bigger. The oncologist wants to biopsy it; the surgeon wants to cut the damn thing out. We are waiting for the thyroid biopsy to see if parts of it need to be cut out too then do them both together.


Now what? Now what you ask? Dunno, I could make up a lot of things :) but we just have to wait. Then, of course, I always over-react and things are never as bad as you think it will be...except for that one time I told D, "Settle down, it's not cancer. What are the odds, I mean, really. People have head aches all the time. I love you; here's some ibuprofen." THAT ONE TIME.

In all seriousness, though, it probably will be nothing; an overactive thyroid, a fistula that is trying to start and just happens to be draining in that very spot in his neck...random collections of lymph nodes that are in the wrong place...really, nothing.
And now we have two weeks to think about it.

Thanks for letting me vent my feelings. Sometimes simply acknowledging the feelings allows them to be properly managed. And by properly managed I mean thrown into the air, twirled, caught, then tossed back into the corners of the mind where they can be once again filed for a fitting "When I have a spare moment" moment.

Now, on with life. Dinner is waiting and I believe I hear E reading a story to her little sister.