Gas Prices Make People do Strange Things...

...for example:

Driving, Saturday afternoon, on southbound I15. Generally, we are staying with the traffic flow. There are, of course, the few crazies passing everyone but for the most part we are passing very few people and very few people are passing us. I'm enjoying the ride. Curious, I look over at the speedometer...65!! D is driving 65 mph and we are barely being passed!! Utahans are really getting desperate when they start slowing down to conserve gas. :)

So, I tried it on my way home from work tonight. Yes, I'll admit it, I put my cruse on 65 mph. I was still passed by the few crazies, but everyone else seemed content at that same speed or a tad bit faster, some even slower. I didn't even feel like a sitting duck, which I have in the past if I try to go that slow. Plus, it only added about 5-8 minutes to my commute.

Truthfully, I don't care what kind of engine you have:
NOTHING is fuel efficient at 80+ mph!!!

T.T.A. Tuesday Tell All

My sister sent me to a blog with blogging ideas. Basically, the blog has interesing topics for you to add to yours, if for one day, you want to blog about something other than diapers and laundry. :) The ideas are posted Friday afternoon and then you post your thoughts/ideas on your blog on Tuesday (TTA: Tuesday Tell All). I know it's Friday, but I thought this one was interesting. The link to the TTA blog is under My Favorite Places . Enjoy!

Answer the following with only one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? .................... pocket
2. Your significant other?....................... lovely
3. Your hair?.................................... dirty
4. Your mother? ................................. friend
5. Your father?.................................. funny
6. Your favorite thing?.......................... chocolate
7. Your dream last night?........................ didn't
8. Your favorite drink........................... Dew
9. Your dream/goal?.............................. secure
10. The room you're in?.......................... office
11. Your children?..................................... playing
12. Your fear?................................... loosing
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years........... secure
14. Where were you last night?................... home
15. What you're not?............................. alone
16. Muffins...................................... chocolate
17. One of your wish list items?................. time
18. Where you grew up?........................... pocatello
19. What you read last........................ BofM
20. What are you wearing?........................ robe :)
21. Your TV?..................................... annoying
22. Your pets?................................... bird
23. Your computer? .............................. slow
24. Your life?................................... fast
25. Your mood?................................... tired
26. Missing someone?............................. sister
27. Your car?.................................... malibu
28. Something you're not wearing?................ shoes
29. Favorite Store?.............................. Penny's
30. Your summer?................................. Hot
31. Like someone?................................ Daryl
32. Your favorite color?......................... yellow
33. Last time you laughed........................ today
34. Last time you cried?......................... yesterday

A Day at the Zoo...

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Okay, more like 2 hours, but by 1pm (even though I brought food to eat) everyone was tired and cranky. Plus Lydia ate everyone's sandwiches. It was fun to get out anyway. Evidently, so did half the Salt Lake Valley that day. The Conservation Carousel opened this month. All the carousel things are animals (go figure). It's pretty neat, and for a minimal donation ($2,000 starting) you can sponsor one of the plastic/metal animals! There are only 4 $10,000 animals left! Sign me up for the Badger! They're resilient creatures. :)

33 Years and Things Aren't That Different...

Enough said.

What's the use of a Cease Fire? Nothing has changed. Sad, hu?
While tearing up a small portion of our kitchen (more of that to come), D found newspaper in the wall, Salt Lake Tribune August 1975

I don't really get this one, but I figured some of the

previous generational readers might enjoy it. :)

Ahhh, good memories!!!

All growd up

I received a letter in the mail the other day from a very dear friend. Odd, I thought. No one sends things 'snail mail' these days.

Then I opened it and almost died laughing.

She had cut out the ad for the NKOTB summer concert in San Antonio and mailed it to me with an invite to stay at her house if I needed. :) Thanks, Melissa!!

Yes, sixth grade, 1990, I was invited by a class mate to go to Salt Lake and see NKOTB in concert! I was just surprised my parents let me go. I wasn't all that in to them at the time, but I have to admit, for a 12 year old tween, it was an awesome concert. :)

I was also surprised that this person asked me to go with her. At the time, we weren't really close, but after that we had a few years where we were inseparable. Then we drifted apart in high school. As I've kept up with her blog, there is alot of stuff I never knew about her, even in all the years I've known her. So, I think, why did she keep all that from me all those years, or is she just now coming to terms with her issues? Sometimes I wonder if you allow things to get twisted so much that you can make yourself believe anything.
And to think I thought I knew someone...sheesh.

ANYWHO...no I don't plan to go to the concert this year, either in San Antonio OR Salt Lake, but thanks for the offer, Mel! I'm sure we'll all get our NKOTB fill this summer.

Mixed Messages

For a few uncomplicated reasons, I found myself in the OB/GYN clinic yesterday, trying to get a bladder infection issue under control. I left three hours later trying to hold back tears after breaking down in front of my OB doctor (at least my OB is female).
I'm pretty positive none of you are interested in my bladder and it's functionings, but for the purpose of the emotional picture, bare with me.

After ruling out bacteria in my bladder (none), the doc ran other tests for bacteria/yeast in other places, all of which were negative. When she pushed on my bladder, there was no discomfort (other than feeling like I was going to pee all over her, but I guess that's normal when someone pushes on your bladder), but when she pushed on my uterus it was quite uncomfortable -- squirm-on-the-table uncomfortable. One could imagine the millions of options running through my head!! She was very reassuring, but I still found myself crying! An emotional breakdown, right there, in the tiny pastel room! Ugh!

We talked about options, what tests to run, but like I said, she was very reassuring. The last test run? A pregnancy test. The longest 5 minutes of my known life.
D and I have verbally agreed that we probably won't have any more children; I don't know how many times I've told myself this over and over. At times I'm okay with it; other times my heart aches. Plus, I've refrained from buying more pregnancy tests, but there I sat, waiting for the test result...

...trying to put it out of my head while i read my book, trying not to hope against hope, trying to plan for the bad news yet secretly dieing for the good news. The doc poked her head in, told me what I already knew and we planned for a follow-up ultrasound if I don't start feeling better. I quickly left the clinic and tried to deep-breathe once I was outside. It was then that I realized that suppressing emotions isn't a great idea. They pop up when you can least control them, then it's just embarrassing!

Gotta work on that...

Good books

I just finished Stephanie Meyer's newest book The Host. She stated it was "sience fiction for people who don't like science fiction." Can I just say, I'm still aching for those characters!

I know, I'm a sap and easily entertained and not very well-read, but I do enjoy a good emotional rollercoaster, and this one had me going up and down. I must be creatively shallow because I usually don't see the twists and turns. All I can do is read and hold on, and stay up until 2am finishing the next chapter, then the next...cuz I can't put the thing down!

It was like that with the Work and the Glory series, then more recently the Great and Terrible series by Chris Stewart, book #5 just came out! Then even more recently, the Twilight series that I just got into this past year. Wow, never thought teenaged vampires could be such interesting story boards. But I'm hooked! Club Edward, all the way!

I must admit,though, I had a hard time getting into The Host, and I think it's because I don't have much of an imagination and I had a hard time putting my mind around the concept of where the story was going. So, I put the book down for a few weeks. Then, after staring at the eye on the cover these past weeks, I finally had a few moments while I waited for Eliza's dance class, and...BAMM! One week later, the book's finished and Daryl can have it back. I guess he was reading it. :)

Yes, I've already pre-ordered Braking Dawn that comes out in August; then the Twilight movie comes out in December... lots of reading and viewing to enjoy.

Gosh, I love a good book...until it ends; that bites. ;)

An appology letter for My Hero on Father's Day

I know this is late, as Father's Day was yesterday, but I wanted to post something anyway. :)

I was full aware of what yesterday was, even as I woke out of dead sleep, realizing I forgot to turn off the sprinkler from the night before. I ran upstairs, shut it off, then quietly ran back to bed, hoping not to wake anyone up. When I returned to bed, you seemed to be asleep.

I was going to say sweetly, "Happy father's day," but you looked so comfy that I didn't want to wake you, so I closed my eyes (first opportunity missed). I fell back asleep, too.

Of course I slept in past my alarm. Who doesn't? But, that made it so you had to get the kids their breakfast and no one made YOU breakfast (second opportunity missed). We didn't even get to cuddle, like we sometimes do in the mornings.

I know you haven't felt great these last few weeks, but you've gotten out of bed and gone to work every day. I almost cry when you leave, knowing how tired you are. Or, maybe it's the thought of you riding the motorcycle...maybe that helps motivate you to get out of bed...? Anyway, even the day you could have had to yourself, I left you a "honey-do" list, of which you hit them all out of the park!! Mowing the lawn and taking E to her dress rehearsal and dinner? Amazing!

I'm sorry that I plan incessantly for all the big stuff, but forget to include the little stuff, too. Hopefully, we'll be able to take some deep breaths soon, and enjoy them. :) Until then, my love, know that you are a great father, a great husband and a great friend, none of which I would ever trade for all the dark chocolate in Switzerland. xoxoxo

How to Take Care of a Cancer Patient (part two)

Did you all enjoy noticing your feelings? Were you able to allow yourself to feel something different, or something you weren't used to feeling? Mothers, for example, tend to allow themselves to feel guilty about lots of things and yet put off feelings of contentment. At least that's what I've read. :) I tend to lean toward guilty contentment with a squirt of messy chocolate sauce!

June is Sarcoma Awareness month. Wear Yellow and tell everyone you know that you know a Sarcoma Survivor! Little joys and milestones are important and have been from our perspective. While our dear friend Rich was alive and fighting every day to keep his mental faculties (he had an aggressive brain tumor), every single day held blessings and joys. He would always talk about his kids, 3 young boys, just being able to hold his wife's hand, reaching for something on his own, getting himself to his wheelchair then having the energy to get himself down the hall. Little things and great lessons.

Rich was a great example in staying positive, no matter the outcome. Daryl's case isn't quite so grim, and most cancers aren't grim and after treatment offer the patient a great deal of life still left to live. Think of it as a wake-up call. You are going about your business, life as usual, then someone says you have a life-altering disease.

"The disease itself may not kill you, but the medications we will give you will put your body at a considerable risk for infection and quality of life for x# months. You will probably have some side-effects, many of which could linger (i.e. sterility, nerve damage, heart damage, skin irritations, kidney damage). Of course we will try to limit these side effects.....but we just don't know how it will effect each person exactly , but this is how the last 87% of people have done..."

Wake-up call.

But we are all in different stages of dying, right? Every day we live here is one less tomorrow we will have. People living with Cancer have just had their mortality shoved in their face, front and center, hot spotlights and everything. Now we are forced to deal with the reality that mortality ends. So, now what? What do we do with that realization? That, my dear friends, is a constant everyday exercise; do not take anything for granted.

That is the next question. How would you change your mortality if it were shoved in your face? Or would you change anything at all? What would you give up? What would you hold close? Now we know what is really important, hu?

Don't forget the chocolate...

Hoover can really Suck

Was that brand of vacuum really named after J. Edgar Hoover?? That would be wierd, to have a dam and a vacuum to your history...
Anyway...(random thought)

So, about August 2006, I am in desperate want of a really good vacuum, something that will suck all the yucky dust mites and grimy dirt out of my carpet and spare myself and Eliza more allergy problems. Maybe it was July. I don't think I had Lydia yet. So, I convinced Daryl I needed a new vacuum and since I want something really nice, I was preparing him that I was going to spend a good deal of $$ on it. I then added that it could be for my anniversary present. :) He's so supportive.

This is where it pays to talk to someone before you pay $250 on a stupid vacuum!!
So, a few months ago, I'm using my baggless, hepa filtered, multi-function, all inclusive 12amp self-propelled Hoover vacuum. But I'm smelling something burning. Never a good sign. I turned it off, checked everything over, and from what I could tell...I couldn't tell anything. I let it cool down for a few minutes, then tried to turn it back on. Nothing happened (sigh). I put it away. Maybe if I forget about it, the vacuum fairies will fix it and all will be well again.
For the last few months I've been using my little portable one that really doesn't pick up much but at least gets the small things and I pick up big chunks with my own hands (gasp!). I put off taking the big lug to the repair shop for fear of the worst. But the other day, I and the girls were playing in the toy room and all 3 of us were sneezing, so I thought, for the health of my children, I'll take it in. That was Wednesday.

He called me this afternoon. Apparently, on the baggless models, there is a tiny motor that turns a brush that keeps the filter free of build up. Well, that motor went out, so the filter clogged up. That in turn made the internal computer thing hot and essentially fried the motor. They had all the parts in to fix it and my model was of course past it's warranty (of 12 months!!). Parts and labor would be $165.00, about, before tax.

In case you were wondering, the same model as the one I had came in a version with a bag. Apparently, even when the bag is full, there are still ducts for air to flow and cool the motor. And, no amps are used to run other tiny motors, so you're actually using the full 12 amps. That's when it helps to have a sales person to talk with, so you don't spend all that money for nothing.

Awww, how I loved that vacuum, even the short time we were together. But the thought of being used for my money taints the lovely cleaning memories we could have had...(sigh)...

Hey, I do get $40 trade in value. :) Is it worth it? Is anything worth the $$ these days??

Unconditional Love

Phone conversation while I'm at work, before E went to bed:

"Mommy, why do you have to leave every day?"

"Some Mommies have to go to work."

"But I miss you when you are gone."

"I miss you too, sweety."

"I wish you could always stay here and we could still have our house. Will it get knocked down like on the home makeover show?"

"That would be nice..."

"Then we wouldn't have a house, but you wouldn't have to go to work!"

"Where would we live?"

"It doesn't matter. Don't worry, Mom. I still love you."

News Flash

I GOT THE OPERATING ROOM JOB!!!!
I start 14 July.
Woo Hoo!!

How to Care for a Cancer Patient (part one)

This will be a multi-part piece.

This may be more information than most of you may ever need, and if that's the case, count your blessings.

Cancer survivors just count different blessings.
And so do their families.

Lance Armstrong decided that a person is a cancer survivor the very moment they are given their diagnosis. That just shows that man's incredible will to live and do everything in his power to make it work. It's working for him. As far as I know, he's still in remission.

I wish I would have figured out this whole blog thing a year ago. It would have been a much needed outlet. It still is even now.

Looking back on the last 18 months is difficult actually. There was so much we both tried to bury and repress that little ugly weeds are trying to show their dandelion heads and all I can do is just snap the "heads" off, but that doesn't deal with the "root." I was so busy with keeping my head just above water that I didn't have -- I should say "make"-- time to take care of emotional issues. Maybe if I said "Every thing's okay" enough, it would eventually work out, right? Sort of.

Being positive has it's advantages, but being positive to a point where you put off reality isn't so helpful.

Don't get me wrong. We had lots of help and lots of food and lots of well wishers and love given to us. So much so it was hard to receive when I'm used to being on the other end. It was a beautiful thing. I'm talking more about emotions; what we allow ourselves to feel, do, explore, recognize. Emotions are okay; it's human to feel. It's what we do with those feelings (or not do) that can be our greatest asset or detriment.

That's enough for today... I encourage you all to explore your feelings and see if you can do something different with them. I'd love to hear back about this exercise.