Wanted: high pay, NO time away from my family, great insurance with minimal cost, lots of paid-time off, bonuses would be nice but not manditory (I don't want to get too greedy, here!) :)
I really enjoy my job. No, seriously. I could honestly say I LOVE my job...until the last few weeks. Today, I don't love my job so much.
Physical interaction with people and helping people are so wonderful about being a nurse. I hate being away from my family, but I still get to help make someone else's day a little better so that helps (except, try to explain that to Eliza). However, the last few weeks I have seen the really terrible fallouts of this mystical disease we call Cancer. I have in the past also seen Cancer bring families and relationships closer, a beautiful thing. But there is nothing beautiful about a 27 year old mother of four children under the age of 10 not being able to communicate with her family, her husband helpless and holding back tears, trying to be strong for the children, simply holding her hand, waiting for family to gather so they can say goodbye and turn off the machines. A more positive person would find some sort of beauty in this situation...I don't know how else to see it right now. I would hate to be on either of that side. We all would.
I could go on and on with the patients and their situations. I love them all, and each story pulls at my heartstrings. We all end up asking "Why, and How?" even though we all know there is no answer, but it's hard not to sometimes. And I think it's waring on me. I'm having a harder and harder time leaving work at work...
...and then it actually came home with me.
Then my husband made fast friends with a brain-cancer patient who was given months to live and made the most of every moment...until the very end. I was this man's nurse days before he died...not a good idea, but his wife and I had a bond. I wanted to take care of them. I wanted someone to hold me, so i wanted to hold her. She knew Daryl. But, something's gotta give when your friends and patients and family collide.
So, as of today, I'm considering a job change. If anyone knows how get paid for simply being a full-time Mom, please let me know!! Being a nurse is all I know; it's engrained in me, but can we get away from the sadness? I'm taking suggestions... email me at peayfamily@gmail.com if you can't leave a comment here. I'm totally serious, Mom.
2 comments:
I feel for you, I really do. Working in an environment like that would be so difficult, especially since cancer has hit so close to home. I do have to applaud you for the work you do.
I admire people who can do your job, I know I could not do it. Knowing you, I know you care for your patients dearly, and that's what makes you a fantastic nurse. It has to be difficult to balance empathy and emotion with caring for people medically. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find happiness in whatever you choose. Again, knowing you, I am sure you will find success in what ever you choose.
As for a great job for a stay at home mom, I still haven't found one.
I love that you put yourself out there, expose the emotions, but I also love that you are a giver. That is likely the reason you became a nurse, it is ingrained in you to give, to care, to nurture. God knows this, He knows a lot, He knows all that stuff that we don't. Maybe that is why we're supposed to lean on Him so much.
Anyway, I know it is hard to be away from the family, from your home, someday in the future, perhaps things will find a way to realign so you won't have to be away. In the meantime, think about what a blessing you are to those you come into contact with and know that perhaps they were praying for you--and you didn't even know it.
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