Moving To Mexico

Dear President Obama:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English
4. I want my children to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history
6. I want my children to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school
7. Please plan to feed my children at school for both breakfast and lunch
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services
9. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals
10. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start
11. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy
12. I want to receive free food stamps
13. I'll expect free rent subsidies
14. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government
15. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help

You're the man!!!