Looking Back

I'm sitting in a waiting room at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital in Salt Lake City, UT while D is having a bone scan. He was injected with a dye this morning, then we had to kill three hours, now he's having full-body X-rays to see if his tumor has spread anywhere else in his body. Ewing's Sarcoma is mostly a bone cancer, so if it spreads, typically it will end up in a bone, or the lungs.

While I'm sitting here, playing games on my iPad and doing online banking, a gentleman receives a call on his cell phone. He proceeds to explain to his caller, why he's waiting for his PET scan (a PET scan looks for cancer in other soft tissues and lymph nodes of the body -D had one of those too, a long time ago). He goes on to describe his chemo regimine for the next nine months...

And I rewind five years...memories flood back from the first days of D's pain, fearing the worst, hoping for the best...holding L, knowing she would be my last baby...working through the night while my children slept with D in his hospital room...laying in D's bed with him during my breaks...waiting in the many waiting rooms over the years, looking around and feeling very young...going to church alone...celebrating birthdays in the hospital...Father's Day in the hospital...rubbing his bald head...L tracing where his eyebrows should be and being confused why they weren't there...wondering why his temp always has to spike at 2am...

Then now...D loves his head shaved (so do I). He's gotten back a lot of muscle...he tires easily...he has a new liver disease...he is now insulin dependent...he sunburns freakishly easily...he has difficulty remembering things (more so than just Man Brain)...the kids love laying with him, watching movies

With the recent developments, I've wondered, Can we do this again? Well, I'm sure we can, anything is do-able...you just DO it...you wake up every day, breathe in and out, and before you know it, 5 years have passed.

I was lucky. I learned from my cancer patients, before D ever was diagnosed, what they would have done differently, looking back. So, I guess, we had a head start...Now it looks like we'll get a second chance, too...sigh...Ok, let's get going then.

Thank You

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers and words! They are much appreciated. I'll let you know as soon an we know more info.

Speaking of Windows...

D had his 3 month check-up with his oncologist last week: blood work, MRI and CT scans. 
They found another tumor, same side. It's growing into the ear canal, might be into the bone. He will have a bone scan on Friday and will have it biopsied, too. He meets with his ENT surgeon and Radiologist next week....

Where is that window again??

Always a window...

I found out earlier this week that a friend from high school, a friend with whom much weekend and summer time was spent, passed away from unknown causes. She was a young, healthy woman and mother. My heart has been heavy, thinking of her and her little family.
Earlier this year, I found out that another friend from high school passed away after suffering a stroke. She also was young, otherwise healthy and a mother.

I have shed tears for both of them, well, for their families, and what they must be going through. What I am grateful for is knowing these two beautiful, strong women are again with a Heavenly Father who loves them very much. I am not sad for them. I do, however, not envy the struggles their children and families will face. But what also gives me comfort, in times like these, is believing that our loving Heavenly Father will not take something from us without giving us a way to cope, manage, grow, what ever you want to call it, a window.

I know because I've been there.
And I've loved both of these women.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Feels good to be home

I had some time to myself last week. D took the kids with him to his father's family reunion in Springville UT from Thursday until Saturday. Just starting my new job last month, I couldn't get the time off. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but after I realized I wouldn't see any of them for 3 days, I was a bit melancholy. So, what do I do with all that time? I work late and put myself on call :) of course! Wouldn't you know, I didn't even get called in! Figures.

So, after working 55 hours that week, by Friday night, I was really tired, physically and mentally. I literally sat down in front of the tv and didn't move for 3 hours. Then I went to bed. But, wouldn't you know, I woke up bright eyed at 7:30 Saturday morning! :) Figures.

I organized the bills, payed them, then went grocery shopping. After that, I went to a few "antique" stores around town. My initial goal was to find something for the girls to play "tea" with. What I ended up with was quite the display! I found an entire service for 6 (cups, saucers, salad plates, dinner plates and gravy boat) with pears and apples on them! I've adopted a fruit theme in my kitchen so when I saw the price of $23 I really felt justified :) The next store I was able to find some mis-matched cups and saucers (and an adorable tiered server) for only a few dollars!

The fruit pitcher and the green bowls were added finds, along with the mini candle sticks. And, the best part? The girls loved them as much as I did!

I haven't had that much time to myself in a really long time. I missed them terribly, but I knew they were having a blast with their cousins (and they did!). And, when they came home, I felt rejuvenated. That, and a beautiful walk alone in the hills with the summer sun and my ipod, did my body good.