Personal Matters...

So, this entry today serves a personal interest (I guess they all do, in a way) and the topic of it has a bit of a history...

...It was about May or June of last year, Daryl had had his second surgery and started chemotherapy. We were just starting to deal with all the new changes a life-altering diagnosis brings. My cousin was staying with us, helping me take care of the girls (she was a blessing, thanks Katie!). Two of my good friends from work found out they were pregnant around the same time and one day we were in the breakroom taking about baby stuff and pregnancies...then it hit me, right in front of everyone there. I tried so hard to hold back a few tears, but the thought came out of nowhere and took me by complete surprise that a few tears escaped. I recovered quickly, we went back to work then I came home and totally broke down.

The thought: I may never experience pregnancy again because of the effects of chemotherapy.

It is possible to conceive after chemo, but it just depends how the body reacts after chemo so it's totally unpredictable. I hadn't expected that reaction from myself. I didn't want to tell D how I was feeling because he was taking things very personal then and I didn't want to make him feel like it was his fault, so I called my Mom and told her I didn't feel like my "baby" days were over. I didn't feel like our family was complete...blah, blah, blah. I was very selfish for a few days. Some people never experience pregnancy and I have TWICE, with no complication. Like I said, selfish.

I also did a lot of pondering...what if we would have not followed the counsel from our sealer when we were married to not put off adding to our family? Lydia was barely 5 months when D had his first surgery. Was following that counsel Heavenly Father's way of telling me, "you now have 2 1/2 children to take care of and grow. Mind your responsibilities"?

After a few days of pondering and praying, I felt comforted that regardless of the outcomes, we still have a beautiful family.

So the reason for the entry today? I had my IUD removed last month. We decided to see what happens. If we end up pregnant, great! If not, that's okay too, plus we'll know I won't need any more birth control. :) Win-win situation!