Recovering Perfectionist

A Whole Month

2011-10-05T20:16:00.000-06:00

A whole month has passed...wow. D is recovering from his surgery and we all are trying to adjust to his hearing loss. I now need to walk on his right side, because when I babel, as I tend to do while we walk, he can't hear me. I'm sure it wouldn't bother him, but when I ask for his opinion, I want to hear it. Problem is, he didn't hear the question. So I have to switch sides. He now puts the bird on his left shoulder, so when the damn bird squawks he isn't deafened (is that a word? Is now!).

Come to find out a few weeks ago, he has to have another surgery. More minor than the last, but apparently there wasn't enough healthy tissue removed. So, next week, he'll go under the knife again...BUT, before he goes, we are finally getting away for our Anniversary trip (that we had to post-pone because of the LAST surgery!)

Stanley, here we come!! So excited to get away and do nothing!! Then when I get back I'll post about something other than Cancer...promise :)

Cancer Surgery

2011-09-07T15:52:00.000-06:00

D's surgery went "technically perfect," according to the surgeon (both of them). They were both happy with the results. All the margins looked good: they were able to get enough healthy tissue surrounding the tumor to safely say the tumor is removed. He was in surgery for 6 hours then in recovery for two hours. He's now resting in his room and should be released tomorrow.

He's been in SLC since last Wednesday for doctor appointments and tests and scans. I've been here in ID, holding down the fort. I opted to stay here because the girls started school last week and their first dance classes and piano classes started this week. I'm trying to keep things as normal for them as possible. D's parents are with him and we talk with each other every night, but everyone was more emotional last night. We'll be glad to get him home!

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. His doctor isn't sure yet if D will need more chemo. It will depend on the pathology. We should hear about that sometime next week.

I'm Doing It...

2011-09-03T11:16:00.000-06:00

Nothing crazy, don't you worry :)
I came across this blog today, and whatdoyaknow? She's doing a Giveaway of My Memories digital scrapbook software!! Holy Crow!! Check out her blog for the giveaway and check out the MM link! Such cute templates AND great sales! I now have a new past time! Move over Pintrest! I've got to organize my photos!!

Thanks, guys!

Home Sweet...IKEA

2011-08-24T16:48:00.000-06:00

I know this picture is dark, but I am again in love with my bedroom!
And, my family is well aware of my love for IKEA...I should have invested in their stock...do they have stock??
In all the places we've lived over the last 6 years, this room is the largest bedroom we've had to ourselves, and we have a King sized mattress! Oh, wait, the student apartment bedroom was large, too, but I didn't have these shears or these pillows!! :)
With the shape of the room, and our large bed, there was no other placement option of the bed than right in front of a wall of windows, the only long wall in the space. We've never had a headboard. It's just never been high on the priority list, but I've always had pillows. However, I've never actually bought a decorative pillow outside of the living room. Nope, I lied. I bought some fun pillows for the girls' beds last year. So, that was the first :) I guess I figured it was time for my bedroom...and when I saw them, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have them, and then decorate my bedroom around them.
Another thing I've never had: nightstands, at least matching ones. Honestly, the ones I wanted, I can't really justify right now, but I was tired of not having anything. So I bought these because the price was right. I was skeptical on the color, but it was the only one available. Again, the price was right. And now? Oh, how I love them!! The perfect casual color, the perfect place for my lamps that I've waiting so long to be able to use (lamp shade here)...lamp sticks were bought at Wal-Mart over a year ago and have been in storage until now...
The shears are white and gauzy and flowing and huge! And YES they really are $4.99 for TWO panels!! They are long, too, and the package says you can cut to length but I didn't cut them because I likes how they gathered on the floor. I have 6 panels total, three on each side of the bed. The moment they were all on the rod and arranged, the room felt so much softer and cozier! Just makes me want to cozy up in my down comforter and down pillows with hot chocolate and a book!

Drawing Near...

2011-08-16T20:09:00.000-06:00

The summer flew by. The kids were able to go on a few camping trips with D's family and I was able to join them at Cherry Hill, but my new job has taken up most of my time this summer. I didn't compromise on the Annual Redfish Lake pilgrimage, however...I DO have priorities.

Other than that, the family has been hanging at home, playing at the neighborhood playground, a few play dates up the street and of course, hours at Nannie's and Papa's (my parents).

The summer is coming to an end...I feel it...like seeing the last few pages of a good book and thinking, "No! It can't end yet! I want more story! I want more adventure! Don't end yet; I don't want to go back to doing dishes!" Oh, you don't have those feelings regarding books? Well, you haven't read a really good one then!

Yes, things are winding down. The kids are getting restless from a lack of structure (I can just tell it's eating them up). Ok, maybe it's just ME getting restless, but still. Yesterday, the temp outside wasn't a bazillion degrees so it got my system remembering that FALL is coming! Yeah!

I didn't plant a garden this year, not to insinuate I've done so in the past. Just sayin' there isn't a Fall Harvest to look forward to. I'm just looking forward to getting all of us on a routine. Not to worry: the ROUTINE will be age and developmentally appropriate. Just because I am a Recovering Perfectionist doesn't mean I have to give up on routines, I just 'scale it down' a bit... Is lamination of the Chore Chart too much? Nah...

School? What the...

2011-08-14T13:45:00.000-06:00

I just found out a few days ago that school doesn't start where we live now until September 1st!! Holy crow...what's up with that! Idaho sure likes it's summer vactions...and I have to admit we enjoy the scenary...

On the OTHER hand, I HAVE AN ENTIRE EXTRA WEEK TO GET THE KIDS READY FOR SCHOOL! I used to feel rushed...now I feel like I can enjoy the next few weeks...we have an extra week to play! I have an extra week to find: a piano teacher, a tennis instructor, a preschool and a dance teacher...BUT, D and I already have anneversary reservations :)

Priorities are crucial ;)

29 July 2011

2011-07-29T14:31:00.001-06:00

See the Cancer Update tab at top

Me vs You

2011-07-27T11:29:00.001-06:00

Have you ever spent much time in a waiting room? I've been here a lot the last few weeks, and will have more time tomorrow as we meet another doctor. But right now, we're in the Radiation Oncology waiting room, overhearing two ladies comparing/contrasting/comforting each other about their loved ones' brain tumors. See? Things could always be worse...

So, as I'm sitting, contemplating, feeling sorry for myself and for D, I listen to this mother explain how she sometimes acted out her frustration, slamming her hand on a counter and bruising it. Her son is 25. The neurosurgeon removed an apple-sized brain tumor. Now he is getting radiation to his brain. The other woman, was there with her father. These two women went on comparing side effects. Then, the mother said, "Can you imagine working here? Being around all of this, every day? We at least get to leave...it takes a special person to do this."

Yes, everyone struggles with something. And gratefully there are people along our way to help us through. I have strengths, you have strengths. I believe we come into each others' lives to help each other through those times. Even including doctors and nurses. I've learned so much from working at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. But, now I'm grateful to leave the teaching and comforting to them, and I'll worry about my little family.

But, hey, if you want something stitched up, come on over! I've got all kinds of fun stuff! :-)

See the Cancer Update page

2011-07-26T14:14:00.002-06:00

To be continued...

2011-07-25T23:07:00.000-06:00

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
We should hopefully learn about the biopsy results Wednesday ... Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. We feel them.

Looking Back

2011-07-22T12:39:00.015-06:00

I'm sitting in a waiting room at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital in Salt Lake City, UT while D is having a bone scan. He was injected with a dye this morning, then we had to kill three hours, now he's having full-body X-rays to see if his tumor has spread anywhere else in his body. Ewing's Sarcoma is mostly a bone cancer, so if it spreads, typically it will end up in a bone, or the lungs.

While I'm sitting here, playing games on my iPad and doing online banking, a gentleman receives a call on his cell phone. He proceeds to explain to his caller, why he's waiting for his PET scan (a PET scan looks for cancer in other soft tissues and lymph nodes of the body -D had one of those too, a long time ago). He goes on to describe his chemo regimine for the next nine months...

And I rewind five years...memories flood back from the first days of D's pain, fearing the worst, hoping for the best...holding L, knowing she would be my last baby...working through the night while my children slept with D in his hospital room...laying in D's bed with him during my breaks...waiting in the many waiting rooms over the years, looking around and feeling very young...going to church alone...celebrating birthdays in the hospital...Father's Day in the hospital...rubbing his bald head...L tracing where his eyebrows should be and being confused why they weren't there...wondering why his temp always has to spike at 2am...

Then now...D loves his head shaved (so do I). He's gotten back a lot of muscle...he tires easily...he has a new liver disease...he is now insulin dependent...he sunburns freakishly easily...he has difficulty remembering things (more so than just Man Brain)...the kids love laying with him, watching movies

With the recent developments, I've wondered, Can we do this again? Well, I'm sure we can, anything is do-able...you just DO it...you wake up every day, breathe in and out, and before you know it, 5 years have passed.

I was lucky. I learned from my cancer patients, before D ever was diagnosed, what they would have done differently, looking back. So, I guess, we had a head start...Now it looks like we'll get a second chance, too...sigh...Ok, let's get going then.

Thank You

2011-07-20T15:39:00.002-06:00

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers and words! They are much appreciated. I'll let you know as soon an we know more info.

Speaking of Windows...

2011-07-18T16:25:00.000-06:00

D had his 3 month check-up with his oncologist last week: blood work, MRI and CT scans.
They found another tumor, same side. It's growing into the ear canal, might be into the bone. He will have a bone scan on Friday and will have it biopsied, too. He meets with his ENT surgeon and Radiologist next week....

Where is that window again??

Always a window...

2011-07-08T17:10:00.000-06:00

I found out earlier this week that a friend from high school, a friend with whom much weekend and summer time was spent, passed away from unknown causes. She was a young, healthy woman and mother. My heart has been heavy, thinking of her and her little family.
Earlier this year, I found out that another friend from high school passed away after suffering a stroke. She also was young, otherwise healthy and a mother.

I have shed tears for both of them, well, for their families, and what they must be going through. What I am grateful for is knowing these two beautiful, strong women are again with a Heavenly Father who loves them very much. I am not sad for them. I do, however, not envy the struggles their children and families will face. But what also gives me comfort, in times like these, is believing that our loving Heavenly Father will not take something from us without giving us a way to cope, manage, grow, what ever you want to call it, a window.

I know because I've been there.
And I've loved both of these women.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Feels good to be home

2011-06-28T11:07:00.000-06:00

I had some time to myself last week. D took the kids with him to his father's family reunion in Springville UT from Thursday until Saturday. Just starting my new job last month, I couldn't get the time off. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but after I realized I wouldn't see any of them for 3 days, I was a bit melancholy. So, what do I do with all that time? I work late and put myself on call :) of course! Wouldn't you know, I didn't even get called in! Figures.

So, after working 55 hours that week, by Friday night, I was really tired, physically and mentally. I literally sat down in front of the tv and didn't move for 3 hours. Then I went to bed. But, wouldn't you know, I woke up bright eyed at 7:30 Saturday morning! :) Figures.

I organized the bills, payed them, then went grocery shopping. After that, I went to a few "antique" stores around town. My initial goal was to find something for the girls to play "tea" with. What I ended up with was quite the display! I found an entire service for 6 (cups, saucers, salad plates, dinner plates and gravy boat) with pears and apples on them! I've adopted a fruit theme in my kitchen so when I saw the price of $23 I really felt justified :) The next store I was able to find some mis-matched cups and saucers (and an adorable tiered server) for only a few dollars!

The fruit pitcher and the green bowls were added finds, along with the mini candle sticks. And, the best part? The girls loved them as much as I did!

I haven't had that much time to myself in a really long time. I missed them terribly, but I knew they were having a blast with their cousins (and they did!). And, when they came home, I felt rejuvenated. That, and a beautiful walk alone in the hills with the summer sun and my ipod, did my body good.

As the world turns...

2011-05-02T09:02:00.000-06:00

So, my sister and I thoroughly enjoyed watching all the wedding festivities on Friday. Even gasped appropriately when we saw the Dutchess in her amazing bridal gown. So fun!!

It was a fun weekend, too. We visited the Open House of the new hospital where I will start working shortly. I usually avaoid crowds, but I really wanted to take the kids to this so I could show them the OR, where I'll be working, because they can't normally see where I work. There were lots of people, but there were activites all along the tour for the children, and things moved well. Plus, lots of food! :)

There's always family drama with us, but when I was getting ready for bed last night, I saw the news about Bin Laden and everything seems right with the world, at least for a few moments. I'm nervous about retaliation, but it feels like we have the upper hand for once. A huge thanks to our Service men and women and the hard work and sacrifices they've made for all of us. We can never repay you or your families. Thank you for my freedom.

The Wedding

2011-04-28T19:54:00.000-06:00

You know, the one that has stopped the entire United Kingdom? And, let's be honest, some of our own plans. Yup, I will need a nap tomorrow late morning because I will be up before the sun even is to watch as much as I can! :-) Except I'll be eating rice cakes instead of crumpets or scones (stupid gluten intolerance)...but perhaps some peppermint tea for good measure

Easter and a smart child

2011-04-25T08:47:00.000-06:00

So, I've toyed before with the idea of just telling the kids that I am Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. I just hate all the hiding and lying and sneaking around. But I haven't because I don't want to kill the innocence and excitement. I figured they'll find out soon enough. And I was right. The girls and their cousins were at the table on Saturday eating lunch. I was in the kitchen cutting up fruit for them, listening. Sure enough, one of the older boys said, "You don't still believe in the Easter Bunny, do you?" I kept my back to them, waiting to hear how the rest of the conversation went. Eliza didn't say anything, probably not wanting to look like a "baby" in front of her older cousin (he can be a teaser).

I could have jumped in and stopped him, but I didn't. He quickly said, "It's just your parents." And I waited for the reaction, with my back to them, so I couldn't see her reaction. I didn't want her to see my face. The next thing I heard, they were running outside to play.

But it caught up with me later. I was helping the girls brush their teeth before bed. Lydia left the bathroom but Eliza stayed behind. I started brushing my teeth, Eliza asked, "Mom, are you really the Easter Bunny?" Yes, it's me and Dad. She just nodded her head, then I could see she was putting more puzzle pieces together..."Santa Clause...?" I nodded and smiled. She gave me a half-smile and I hugged her and asked her to not tell her sister. She agreed, then stopped. "Does this mean I don't get any more presents?" :) Always thinking.

So, the inevitable happened, and she seems ok with it, and I didn't have to be the one to kill the innocence. I was about her age when my brother told me about Santa Clause, and I turned
out OK. I still have a few more years before Lydia finds out...

Funny, isn't it?

2011-04-16T17:17:00.001-06:00

I am typing this in Utah, of all places :) Yes, we did move up to Idaho one week ago. That was a very challenging two days (three, I guess!). I'm here though, killing some time, waiting to be called into work so I can have some insurance until the end of the month :)

Thursday, I was able to get off work early and D had already picked up the moving truck (the largest U-Haul makes), so we started loading the big stuff. Later that evening, D's parents came to help. Thankfully, D's Dad is a Master Packer!! Freaking amazing. We put stuff in the truck and he would use his Master Tetras skills to find a place for it. However, after carefully filling the truck just half way, we quickly realized we were not going to have enough room! And frustration started creeping up.

I had a schedule worked up in my brain, and by the end of Thursday, I was mentally crumpling it then trying to flatten it out again, over and over. We can do this...This is never gonna work...Deep breath...How will this work...I just wanna go to bed and wake up and have this all over!!

We slept on air mattresses Thursday night. Friday I still had Eliza go to school. I wanted her to be able to say good bye to her friends. They all knew that was her last day. And I'm glad she did, too. Her teacher had made a Memory Book for her and had everyone sign it and they gave it to her Friday :)

Friday started with just more packing. I had to finish packing the clothes and the bathrooms and wanted to be finished packing early in the afternoon so I could start cleaning. We had reserved a room at a close hotel that had a pool, and I had a date with the jacuzzi AND I WAS NOT GOING TO MISS IT!!

But, by that afternoon, the truck was packed and we still had half a garage of stuff that wasn't in it. Soooo, I said Screw it. We are going to the hotel, and we'll come back in the morning with a trailer to finish packing the rest. I'll just clean Saturday while the carpet guy is there.

So, we took the kids swimming and swam and relaxed and swam and relaxed and went back to the room like raisins. After we showered, the girls and I went to scope out the vending machine and we got some treats and watched TV until late. I honestly don't know what time it was when I turned off Disney :)

Needless to say, the night was NOT long enough. At least I woke up refreshed and we had breakfast at the hotel. I knew it would be a long day, but all day long, the ONE thing that pretty much kept me sane was the thought that, even after moving all this stuff and unpacking everything into the storage lockers (three, to be exact), I already had a bed waiting for me that I didn't have to unpack and make. It was just there.

And THAT, my dear friends, was a much needed blessing. Thanks, Mom. I'll cook dinner for a month, just for that.

Gimme a B...O...X

2011-03-30T08:00:00.003-06:00

So, now that I want to get this thing going again, I've decided to move my family...yes, again...to Idaho! :) It's actually been months of thought and prayer and struggle. I hate moving. Scratch that. I loath packing. Let's admit, packing is the awful part!! Plus, since we have to be out of this place by the end of next week, we will be living with my parents for a few weeks until we find something suitable, so all of our things will be in storage. So, having things in the appropriate boxes is crucial! I hate that kind of pressure!! All this thinking about moving started back in December. Though I love the hugeness of this place, I don't really feel "home" here (here being house, neighborhood, city...). I can't describe it other than that. I just don't feel like we are where we need to be. That, and I really want to be closer to my family. So, we finally found someone who will take over our lease and we're heading north! I never thought I'd say I'm excited to move back to Pocatello...but I also said I'd never live in Utah county...so I'm gonna stop saying things I'd never do, because they all have come true (there are others, too, but I don't want to repeat them!!) :) I am excited to be closer to my family and some old and dear friends! See you on the flip side!

Thank you!!

2011-03-25T11:39:00.005-06:00

Thanks for all the well-wishes...I think I'm done pouting now :) and I made a killer flowerless chocolate cake last night! Boo-yah! If I hadn't been so overcome with the whole aspect of still being able to eat a delicious chocolate cake/brownie, I would have taken a picture!

I made whipped cream (sweetened with powdered sugar) and sandwiched it between two pieces of the cake, with a dollop on top, then sprinkled with fresh raspberries...mmmmm.

I might just have to make it again so I can show you properly :)

Just have to laugh...before I start to cry

2011-03-23T12:28:00.007-06:00

My whole life, I've been healthy, active, and except occasional knee pain, I have been able to be pretty active with sports, rock climbing, biking, hiking...in the past.

There was a point while on my mission where my body simply shut down. I got heat stroke one day and never seemed to recover. I saw a few doctors in Switzerland and they both told me I was just depressed and needed to take medication. I adamantly disagreed. I was frustrated with being tired, I couldn't do anything because I was so tired not because I didn't want to. I almost came home, but then I seemed to start getting back some energy, so I stayed. Thus began, I believe, my journey into the world of an autoimmune disease.

The years since then, some have been better than others, but I've been plagued with chronic fatigue, made worse with exercise. Yeah, that doesn't work well when you want to loose baby weight :) The last few years, other physical ailments have surfaced. I was telling my doctor a few weeks ago, My body is just falling apart! And seemingly random problems were presenting themselves, and we couldn't figure out why...because we were looking at them and dealing with them as individual problems (fatigue, achy joints, abdominal pain, numbness in hands/feet, stomach pain, vertigo, rashes...).

So, after about 6 months of stomach/abdominal pain, I go to the doc and he's trying to decided between gallstones or an ulcer. He's leaning toward an ulcer, so he wants me to have a scope done of my stomach. The scope doesn't show an ulcer, but there are lots of red areas on my small intestines so he biopsied them. Ok, so I need to wait for that, but once again, I have a problem that has no solution. Whatever. Now, I'm really getting frustrated, and probably depressed, because I know I'm not crazy! Something is not right with my body and modern medicine is not helping! (yes, I realize that statement can open a whole other conversation, but I'm not ready for that just yet).

So, when I woke up the other day with swollen and sore joints in my hands (my hands and feet feel like they're on fire!), I about lost it! Well, I kind of did. I called my Mom to vent and cry and she basically said, you may never get a diagnosis, but that doesn't mean nothing's wrong. You will just have to know that you have limitations and deal with one day at a time. Fine, but I'm still calling the doctor.

Turns out, the little biopsies the GI doc took, came back positive for Celiac disease, an autoimmune disease (thankyouverymuch to my European and Scandinavian heritage). All of my problems over the years have all been symptoms of this disease, vague by themselves but together, along with the biopsy, make for a pretty convincing diagnosis.

So, now, with this diagnosis, I'm overwhelmed and still in mourning for wheat (cream of wheat with brown sugar and toast is my most favorite breakfast ever!). I can't even just take medicine for it to go away. I have to alter my complete diet and make a drastic lifestyle change! And yes, allow me this selfish moment to say "have to." I'm mourning here, can't you see?? I'm sure I'll get to the "get to" stage eventually...Sigh...

Then, last night, as I'm wallowing in self-pitty, I had a lovely visit from one of my visiting teachers. She brought me...wait for it!...

A fresh from the oven loaf of homemade wheat bread :)

Yes, I chuckled, then, after she left I had a piece with butter...one more day wont kill me. I can't even think right now about my pantry full of gluten...oi vey!

My trip to Manti

2011-03-14T22:28:00.001-06:00

What did I do with an entire Saturday all to myself? I loaded my fam in the car, sans working DVD player...youduv thought the girls were going to DIE without a movie to watch! "Oh the travesty!" were Eliza's actual words. I got a good laugh, but I think she was serious...

I packed snacks, coloring books, paper, activity books, crayons (2 packs!), and not even 10 minutes into our drive, they "had nothing to do!" The world is coming to an end. "How long is this drive?" Two hours. "TWO HOURS?? What am I supposed to doooo? No iPad, no DS...sigh" I guess you could just stare out the window...but there are lots of activities in that book that look like fun...your choice.

After a few minutes, I heard rustling in the bag, little mouths chomping apple slices, paper being colored on, and all was quiet except the music. Even D and I were content sitting with the silence. I thought it was funny, D drives a semi truck all week, then on his day off, I make him drive a few more hours. But he assured me he doesn't mind driving our SUV, something about being able to drive faster than 30mph up a hill and no shifting...at least he didn't fall asleep.

It was a beautiful spring day, warm enough to be without jackets. As we headed east from Nephi, the drive was a lot more scenic. Even the girls enjoyed looking at the hills and farms, looking at the old houses as we passed through small towns. We finally arrived in Manti and could see the top of the temple poking up above the trees. The old houses were adorable; Main Street had a Candy shoppe (where I spent $13.00 without batting an eye) and a good 'ole diner with homemade doughnuts and buns!! Mmmmm that was good!

The last time I was here was for the Mormon Miracle Pageant when I was 9, so I pretty much didn't remember anything. But this time, it was to be with my cousin to see her and her husband and baby girl be sealed as a family for eternity. Always a good time.

While we were in the temple (for two hours!) admiring all the pioneer craftsmanship, the girls were being entertained by another cousin. Apparently, they had loads of fun and were the center of the volunteer's attentions because our party was the only one there! After the session, we took pictures (my uncle took some really awesome ones!), went to the diner for some good eats, then headed home.

There was no complaining, no asking how long or what can I do. Each of them grabbed a blanket and stared out the windows at the landscape and the setting sun. Before long, they were both asleep. D and I enjoyed the quiet ride home, listening to a story-time radio show about an Irish singer.

And that was my day...did I learn anything? Aside from being in the temple with an amazing historian...maybe.

1: It doesn't matter how many activities or treats you pack, there will never be enough to do.
2: Old towns are amazing to visit, but I'm always glad to go home.
3: The local diner always has the best food.
4: Being active before a long drive helps everyone.
5: Family really is everything.

"We were on a BRAKE!!"

2011-03-09T09:09:00.002-07:00

I had the TV on while I was straightening up the downstairs and working on the computer the other day. It was the episode of "Friends" where Rachel decides Ross is too overwhelming and she wants to take a break. It's an episode where it's so uncomfortable to watch because you know what happens at the end but you can't keep yourself from watching!

Like when Rachel is pining for Ross after he stormed out and she's tried to call him and he wasn't home. Then, Mark calls and comes over trying to "cheer up" Rachel. But you almost gasp when Rachel's phone rings because you know it's Ross and you KNOW he's going to hear Mark... (sigh)...and then he hangs up :( Oh man. Yeah that would be awful. Team Ross!!

But, as I was watching all that, know what I was noticing?? How differently all of that would have gone if they had cell phones. Ross called Rachel from a Pay Phone for goodness sake! Interesting...after Rachel had some time to calm down, she would have been able to get a hold of Ross and he would have run back to her before Mark even had a chance to call. But that doesn't make good TV ratings, apparently.

Heck, they might've done it all through texts!

Then again, maybe not. Have you ever sent a "wrong message" with a text? I'm not talking about spelling errors, but those are funny, too. I mean when you text a message and even with a "smiley face" at the end, the receiver still doesn't get the idea you were hoping for. It can even happen with emails!

So, with all this technology, we can still mess things up or get the wrong message. Lesson: Never trust to something else what you want from your relationship. We are relational beings and no amount of texts or smiley faces can make up for a real conversation or physical attention. Unless your husband is a long-haul truck driver... then every "smiley face" is a big deal :) And so are weekends!

Grab a drink and get comfy...

2011-03-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to an article written in January from a friend's blog here (article she referenced is here). Both are great pieces. Please read them then come back to read the rest of my post. It will make more sense to you that way :)

Both the article and my friend's comments about the topic were so fascinating to read! They both really made me think...about blogging, about being a mother, about creativity, about loads of stuff. I loved how the author of the article was fascinated with reading about Mormon women and I loved how Stephanie's straight forward, tell-it-like-it-is style comes out. No criticism, just truth. Loved it, Steph and I don't think I told you that. Nice job.

Anyway, after I read both of those pieces, and did some soul thinking, I moved on with the rest of whatever it was that I was doing that day. So, basically, I did nothing with it. I wasn't doing anything with my blog at that time and just had no interest or energy to do anything. I didn't know what, at the time, that I wanted to do with it, but whatever it would have been, I didn't do it.

Then, today, I was going through my blog list and came across this post from MMB: here. You'll want to read that one, too. It basically follows up on the other ones. Fun stuff!

After reading the article Stephanie references, my thoughts were something like, "Wow, that's fun, that some random person is 'blog stocking' total strangers (who hasn't done that)? And, she really finds the difference in lifestyle interesting? There's no mocking, no teasing; she has genuine admiration for these women who seemingly have lovely homes and children and are willing to talk about the frustrations of each but stay so positive while doing it."

Yes, I've gone to random people's blogs, just reading what they have to say for a time, moving on to others, staying with some. But I loved when MMB said this when referencing why MMBs are different: "We choose to focus on the positive. We choose to take even the worst of days, and learn something from it." And that was exactly the way I felt after reading the first article, but couldn't figure out how to express it!

Yes, life sucks sometimes, but because of what I have learned for myself, what I want to believe, I have learned that there is always something to learn! That's one of the largest purposed of being here and living! And that keeps me hopeful. Even if I have to use medication sometimes :) I know I don't have to be perfect. That also has been a long lesson...

But it sure is fun to read about :)

My Dancers and another Lesson

2011-03-04T08:57:00.005-07:00

Last time we went to Poky, my Dad signed the girls up for a Dance Clinic with the university's Bangle Dancers. They had a 3 hour dance class (with treats!! I think they were more excited about the Go-gurts...). Then, that night, with their cute t-shirts, we all went to the women's basketball game so we could watch the girls dance during Half-time!

Thanks, Dad! They loved it!

Belle is a natural performer :) Lydia is at the age where dancing around is still fun but she's still a little shy. Good thing she had Belle to watch and dance with!! Eliza, on the other hand, had some reservations at first, and is at a vulnerable age where other people's opinions are almost everything. She actually didn't want to go to the clinic. I forced her to go, trying to be positive, but it was one of those moments where, as a parent, you know that it will be good for her.

Then, after we dropped them off and were leaving, I was looking through a window at her, wondering if I did the right thing, worrying that if she really didn't like being with all those other kids...watching all the dancing girls and seeing my daughter move awkwardly and self-consciously...thinking "Is this really best for her, forcing her?"

I started to tear up (I know, I know) but decided to leave, knowing that dancing with a bunch of girls, while potentially dangerous (c'mon, we all know how little girls can be hurtful at times when someone doesn't fit in), I figured it would be something I could help her recover from. And, if it was disastrous, I wouldn't make her do the program that night.

There. Dilemma solved.

So, Teresa and I had fun doing my hair :) Then, we went to pick up the girls and go out to lunch. Much to my enjoyment, they couldn't stop talking about the dancing and the teachers! Yeah them! Yeah me! Okay, sometimes I do know what I'm doing with my children. Sometimes I yell, sometimes I let them watch too much TV, sometimes we have cold cereal for dinner, and then sometimes I lovingly make my children do something out of their comfort zone, knowing they will be stronger for it.

That night, at the game, our girls saw some of the Bangle Dancers walking around and they'd call out "There's my teacher! Mom, there's my teacher!" All three of them were actually excited to start their program. If Eliza was nervous, she didn't show it. Then, she was dancing with a smile :) and that made me smile (and cry, but you all knew that).

Catching Up

2011-03-02T14:59:00.004-07:00

So, what have YOU been up to these last few months? All interesting stuff, I'm sure. Christmas was fun, of course. And the New Year has, so far, brought so much change already!

Now, honestly, I love change. I embrace it. I really hate doing the same thing all the time. Sometimes, I get really crazy and change my laundry day...yeah. Crazy is my middle name. Seriously though, I really like to mix things up, and I've been feeling like that lately, like something needs to change...something's not quite right. I don't feel like I'm 'home' if that makes sense.

So, we're still renting, and I wanted to move here to a) get out of that tiny 2 bedroom place and b) enjoy more space :) As great as this place is, I still don't feel like we as a family are where we need to be. And, as much as I love change, I loath moving. Why do I keep doing it, you ask? Good question. And don't think I'm not thinking about the kids. It will just give them more to talk about with their therapist.

D and I have some planning in the works and he has a job interview shortly, so that will determine where we will go next. Either way, maybe the kids can learn to find adventure in things. And hopefully we can stay there a long time...

Leaving can be theraputic...

2011-02-25T12:21:00.003-07:00

...so can Returning.
Life kind of got away from me for a while, and I kind of just shut down. Well, not completely shut down, but I was on 'survivor mode' and am still working on crawling out of that.
Don't worry, everyone is safe. I have just, once again, spread myself too thin. And the blog was the first to fall by the wayside :) The next thing on the chopping block... probably Girl Scouts, as fun as it is...
I'm not gonna bore you with details about how my huge house is too overwhelming (even though I love retreating to the basement with a plate of nachos and watching my dvr programs) or how I was wedged into being the full time Girl Scout Troop Leader or that sometimes the clean laundry sits in baskets in the girls' bedroom for days before we get it put away. Yeah, I'm not gonna make you read all that stuff.
But, I do want to share something, even if I'm the only one that needs to read it (but I doubt it).
Guilt is not something to hold on to. It is supposed to be felt, dealt with and let go.
There. Done. Moving on.
Speaking of moving on...Wow, I have so much to tell you, my precious Blog! We've missed so much time together, but really, nothing on the outside is new. And yet, so much of me is new!! I can't wait to get it all out! It's gonna take some time, though, because I've realized that I can't do everything right now, today. Even now I'm multi-tasking at work :) hehehe as the laundry still sits at home, unfolded...but I'm okay with that for now because the girls will help me do it tomorrow.

The best "it" word ever!

2011-02-24T08:27:00.001-07:00

Eliza: Mom, if you had a word like "uck" but you put an F with it...(her voice trails off)
Me: Yes...?
Eliza: Well, what does that mean?

So she and I are having a much too adult conversation about rude words and a very very simplistic definition of the "f-word" and why it's inappropriate to never ever use it.

Me: So that is the rudest word you could ever say.
Eliza: Well, the "G" word is the worst, or the "it" word is really bad. I don't ever want to say that word!
And as she walks out of the room, I hear Lydia say "it..." and saw the confused look on her face!

A memorable parenting moment followed by...a memorable moment :) Priceless

A New World

2011-02-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hello World. My name is Rachel and I am a recovering Perfectionist.

Phew! Wow, what a weight off my shoulders!! It's actually because of that statement that I am writing today. More on this change to come later :)

One December Morning...

2010-12-16T20:28:00.001-07:00

...I woke up and it was 50 degrees outside!?!

So, winter in Utah isn't much different than winter in (southeast) Idaho, except there tends to be more snow in the mountains...mostly. That, and snow storms (or even the mention of them) will shut down entire communities...mostly :)

L said to me the other day: Mom, if you want me to do that, then you have to give me a sucker first, or I won't be your little helper. Does that make you sad?

Yes, yes it does.

The other day, I asked Jordan to do something. He responded, "Oh, I thought you said ..."

Um...okay...I guess he's 10...

E refused to help L put away her laundry the other day because "she (L) hates me (E)."

And so it begins.

So, as you can see, our little ones are growing up. L is trying desperately to forge her place in our family, determined to no longer be "the baby." Even though she's the youngest, she will NOT be bossed around. And I'm learning that I can't just "tell her" to do something; it needs to be "her idea." She is soo her father's daughter :)

E is to the point in her little life where social connections, to her, make all the difference between a "good day" vs. an "awful day." That, my friends, is a daily struggle, trying to un-teach her what the world tries every day to shove in her face. And she's only eight. Sigh, one day at a time.

J, bless his heart, is the best big brother in two families. He can be so sweet and helpful and so patient with the girls. And then, he can be, well, an older brother. But, he's quick to apologize. This step-parent thing is awkward sometimes, but he has a big heart.

D has been keeping busy the last few months, driving truck for a company out of Logan. They send him all over the western states. Right now, he's on his way home from Phoenix, AZ. He's gone most of the week, but he usually gets to be home for the weekends and holidays. Nice. After we moved into our new place, before he went back to work, he was able to put up shelves in our garage. Just in time for the first snow, we were able to park BOTH cars in the garage! Yeah for no scraping windows!! :)

I've been keeping busy with laundry, baking, homework, work, and oh yeah! I'm the new Daisy and Brownie Girl Scout Troop Leader! :) Yup, they sucked me in...and it is so much fun! Yes, it's one more thing, but after our first meeting (it's at E's school), one of the Kindergarten girls (a Daisy) came up, gave me a hug and said, "You'll make the best leader." It was all I could do to not start bawling right there! Can you tell that to my daughter and her friends, please?? Thanks!
So, that's pretty much our life right now, a snap-shot into our daily lives as we know them today. I hope this note finds you all happy, healthy and enjoying the season of celebration of the birth of Our Saviour. Because of him, we have what we need.

All our Love and Joy to you,
The Peay Family

PS: Get Ready for GS Cookies!!

There is much with which to be Grateful...

2010-11-21T10:17:00.003-07:00

Yes, the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Yesterday I compiled the grocery list for the upcoming week and festivities. Know what my first thought was after finishing? Honestly. I looked over the list and realized most of this food was going to be consumed by the end of the week, and it was twice as much food as I normally would buy in a week! :)

Even so, this brings me to my point. I am so very thankful that I have the means to acquire these things and share them with my family and extended family. It's not a lot, not extravagant by any means, but we will not be hungry this week. After a few rough years, you have no idea what that means to me.

And with that spirit of gratitude, we will be having the children help us with service projects this week with our ward. We have extra to share this year, so we will be paying forward what has been done for us in the past. Because, you can't have thanks without giving. And I want my children to understand that. I want everyone to understand that!

The very first Thanksgiving Day, the settlers were simply grateful to be alive, to have survived the year so far after loosing more that half the people who traveled with them. They were grateful for their new friends, who helped them survive. And thus started Americans love affair with food and celebration :)

This year, I am grateful I can pay it forward, however small and meager, to give someone else hope... And then work together to make a difference. These experiences will be what teach my children more than I ever could.

Be happy Giving Thanks, everyone! :)

To Try Men's Souls

2010-11-15T09:56:00.006-07:00

So, the last book I read, he also authored this one, To Try Men's Souls, along with Newt Gingrich. The duo has also co-authored other historical books about Pearl Harbor, WWII, the Civil War, and now, the beginnings of the Revolution.

As if anyone could really truly understand the desperation and suffering in those weeks and months as the British and German armies pushed the colonial militias back and back and further back; starvation, cold, storms, desertions, loss of morale...

I really enjoyed reading this and getting another view on George Washington, but also on the men of the militias. The writing really drew me into the stories behind the stories. More than one time I was overcome with a huge sense of gratitude for the people who have done and suffered so much so we can have the freedoms we enjoy today. Never again will I take my freedom, all of my freedoms, for granted. And, because of Washington's example and determination, he has shown all of us that freedom is not won and lost by just a few, but of an entire collective. Yes, some with think it easier to go along with the current situation. That requires less effort, emotion, work, heart. But, to fight for the good of nation, to fight for what is right... that takes courage and determination. Because of these, we will never be the same:

"These are the times that try men's souls: The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country; but he that stands it NOW, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: ~~'Tis dearness only that gives everything its value." (Thomas Paine, The American Crisis, Number1, December 19, 1776).

I will never be the same

What ever happened to...

2010-11-09T20:04:00.005-07:00

I think, next Sunday, I will put together a "Countdown to Christmas" calendar. I'm just so excited for the Holiday Season to get started! But, since I've had time to think about it, I don't want our Christmas countdown to overshadow Thanksgiving.

I feel bad for Thanksgiving; it gets completely and consumerly bypassed. Yes, I just created a new word : consumerly. And, since I created it, it IS spelled correctly and I AM ignoring the red underline.

Anyway, my point. Eliza asked me today when Santa became a part of Christmas. We talked about what Santa represents, serving others. And what happens when we serve others? And I pray my children will learn this through our struggles... Gratefulness. Simple gratitude. When we do things for other people, we learn to be grateful for what we have.

But why do retailers completely bypass this holiday? Because consumers don't buy presents for it? I guess we could start... :) Hey, Bro, here's a bronzed cornucopia for your display. Enjoy! :) Yeah, probably not. BUT, that doesn't mean I have to bypass it and just completely JUMP to the crazy part of the holiday season. I cherish the slow-down before the frenzied crayz of the end of the year. November truly slows down; time even moves back an hour :)

So, here I am, slowing down, counting my blessings and trying to bring my children along to realize those same blessings. Thus, The Annual Count Your Blessing Month. Join me! And pray I have hair left to style :)

Greatful for Patriots' Dreams

2010-11-08T08:47:00.006-07:00

So, I've started riding the train to work again, with mixed emotions, especially at 4:30 in the morning... Anyway, gas is money. Enough said. So, with all that extra time in the morning, I've blissfully gone back to reading!! I downloaded this book on a recommendation from this food storage website.

In September, the website did an emergency preparedness drill. Each day for 7 days, they gave a challenge and you had to function in that challenge for the day. And, for the whole 7 days you weren't to go to the store, spend money (other than work needs) or buy gas (again, unless you were traveling for work, etc). Very interesting stuff!! Honestly, I wasn't in a situation where I could follow all the challenges, but I read them each day :) and were needless to say, thought provoking. I've added many things to my emergency preparedness room and list of future things to add.

After it was all over, they started a group book discussion on this book. I'm not participating in the Group Discussion, but I did want to read the book. And boy, am I glad I did!! Holy cow, have you ever thought about living, completely living, without electricity? None! In an instant, gone?!? Wow. Reading this book not only gave me thought to things I need in my storage, but also was such an emotional roller coaster! It literally brought out the worst in humanity but also the best. I read it much faster than I intended, not just my 3 days commute to and from work, but I would read at night and every other free minute I had! :) Highly recommended!

After I finished, I looked up other books by the author. Low and behold, he's written and co-written a handful of historical and historical fiction books! Sweet! Next up: To Try Men's Souls, about George Washington and the Christmas March across the Delaware, the last stand of Washington's men, "Victory or Death" was their battle cry... I'm only in the first chapter, but can tell I will relish my commuting time.

Well, why not?

2010-11-03T19:37:00.004-06:00

I guess I can shoot for once a month, right? Eh... sure, why not!

I guess I can at least post once a month :)

I'm just super glad Halloween is behind me and I can move on to the Holiday Season! :) I've never really liked Halloween...don't like painting my face (just makes it itch)...never liked getting dressed up (thinking of costumes gives me head aches)...and all that walking, in the cold, just to beg for candy that will eventually make me sick?!? Naw. I can live with out it, and I don't like dragging the kids through it, even though, yes I'm sure they have fun... but it's a ton of effort on my part that I'm not terribly excited about.

However, I don't want to pass my prejudices onto my children, so I participate in the obligatory Halloween holiday activities. Much to my dislike, we usually carve just one pumpkin. This year, for some reason, I was feeling spirited and we carved two :) Then, I even roasted the seeds! Never done that (don't know why) but maybe that will help ease the carving burden because they were fantastic! As for costumes, yes, I buy costumes. Well, expect this year. E wanted to be a witch again, and since I saved her costume from last year (which was about 2 sizes too big!), score! Then, I talked L into being a ghost :) Bring out the white sheet! 2 for Mom!

As for the whole begging-for-candy thing, we went to the ward Chili Cook-Off (to which I brought potato soup because I figured my children weren't the only children who don't like chili). There was to be a Trunk-or-Treat to follow, but the downpour brought it inside the church :) Ghouls and Goblins Trick-or-Treating inside a Church...hehehe. Anyway, because of the cold and rain it didn't take much convincing of the children to stay home and enjoy the spoils while watching a movie with popcorn and hot chocolate. 3 for the lazy Halloween Mom :)

And now, I can start counting all my blessing, because this is the annual Count Your Blessing Month. Or so I will name it. For now, I'm grateful my husband has found another job, with a reputable company. He'll be gone a lot, but it will be worth it in the long run.

TTFN...

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Happy Planning

2010-10-03T19:33:00.009-06:00

So, about a year and a half ago, I was diligent and finally put together 72 hour backpacks for all 5 of us - clothes, food, water, mess kits. I felt really good about at least that part of my food storage beginnings. I couldn't really do much beyond that because we had moved from our house to a small student apartment, so storage was tight, but the backpacks were great to store under the beds. Plus, it was a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

When we moved to our present home, I figured we should go through them and update the clothes and the food kits. L's bag still had pull-ups in it and 2T clothes! :) So, I figured, since Fall Conference was coming up, we'd use that weekend, every fall, to update our backpacks. So, every October, during Conference Weekend, we would eat the food from our 72 hour kits, take out the old clothes, put in new clothes and make new food kits!! :)

The food kits were so easy because they are super basic, enough to sustain life, not provide a full course meal. Besides, they have to be portable. The meal ideas I took from a Stake Preparedness activity a few years ago and just times by 5 and added a few small things because there was room.

Oatmeal, hot chocolate, drink boxes, granola bars, fruit roll-ups (don't use fruit snacks, they will become hard) cheese and pb crackers, tuna, ramen, suckers, hard candies. I made a meal plan chart but I can't get the format to copy here but if you're interested, let me know and I can email it to you. Otherwise, take these ingredients and make 3 breakfasts, 3 lunches and 3 diners out of them. The suckers and candy are for snacks, and to keep saliva in your mouth to keep from getting too thirsty.

I splurged for the tuna packets just so I didn't have to worry about a can opener and packed two per bag just to have extra protein. Also, I packed an extra hot chocolate packet. For the hard candy, at the store I found Tootsie Roll pops and thought that would be an nice treat so bought enough for 1 for each day, plus some wrapped hard candies. The pack I made a while back had raisins and trail mix, which sounds like a good idea, but they ended up like tiny boxes of rocks :) so we passed on the raisins and upped the cheese and pb crackers! Plus, I wanted to maximize the protein and calorie intake.

These are all just suggested food items. Feel free to add or take out whatever you'd like. All of these items, when grouped for one person, will fit into 1 gallon sized ziplock bag :)

Like I said, super simple but pretty taste! I guess we'll find out next year, hoping we don't have to actually use them before then :)

Also, I just wanted to make a note of how I organized the backpacks. Hopefully assuming we are all evacuating or leaving together, the 72 hour items are distributed as follows:

D's bag: extra water, small cooking source, extra fuel, 2 mess kits (his and mine), emergency blanket, hygiene kit, hand warmer, flash light, radio, first aid kit

My bag: is actually a small rolling suit case because it has both mine and D's clothes and both our food kits, another emergency blanket, glow lights and hand warmers (plus, I will probably be carrying L's bag so I needed another form of transporting the stuff I needed to take)

J's bag: his clothes and food kit, his mess kit and a roll of tp, an emergency blanket, 1 bottle of water, a glow light and hand warmers

E's bag: her clothes and food kit, her mess kit and an extra hygiene kit, an emergency blanket, 1 bottle of water, a glow light and hand warmers

L's bag: her clothes, food kit, mess kit, an emergency blanket, another roll of toilet paper, 1 bottle of water, a glow light, hand warmers and a package of baby wipes (can never be too clean in an emergency)

It wasn't really practical for L to have to carry as much as J, so I divided the essentials up. D gets the heavy stuff :) If we have more than a few minutes to grab stuff, we have the packs now stored with our camping stuff so we can grab sleeping bags and a stove with out taking more time. I know there are things, too, over time that I think, Oh, I need to add that to our packs! Like more hand warmers and glow sticks (great buys during Halloween clearance)! Also, I just remembered I need to put games and activity books or coloring books into the packs! The kiddos will need something to keep them occupied while out and about!!

Just thought I'd share my learning experience so you can know, it's not as overwhelming as it seems. Once you have all the food arranged, you can get it all put together in just a few hours! Happy Planning :)

8 Questions

2010-09-28T12:14:00.003-06:00

My sister tagged me from her blog All 4 Speakers. Thanks, Sis! :) I'll try to not bring up the sewing machine...

1. What is your guilty pleasure when you are home alone and no one to see?
a Bubble Bath with music, sometimes a book, always chocolate.
2. What is your favorite movie from your kids selection? One you don’t mind sitting to watch with them.
Any of the Barbie movies. They are all enjoyable, sometimes even funny :)
3. If you could remodel any room in your house and have someone else pay for it what room would it be?
The kitchen, hands down. The whole room needs a lesson in functionality.
4. What reality show would you most likely be on?
Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader!!!
5. Do you have a go-to person that you tell everything to? (other than your husband) Why do you go to that person?
My sister. Honest. She's not afraid to tell me to suck it up and move on :) only when I need to hear it, of course.
6. What is the story/ meaning behind your child’s first name? Or if you don’t have kids, what is a name you have picked out, and why?
When I was pregnant with Eliza, before I had my first ultrasound, I had a really strong feeling I was pregnant with a girl. And I wanted her to have a name that meant something, someone she would be proud to have her name. And, I didn't want anything trendy. I was working for a dentist at the time. One day a patient came in, a young lady around 16, and her name was Eliza. Usually, when you think of Eliza, she's an old woman :) But the first thing I thought of was Eliza R Snow. Well, if this young lady could pull off Eliza, then so could another baby grow up with it. So, I bought a book about Eliza R Snow. The more I read it, the more I knew my baby would make a great Eliza.
7. How many purses do you own? How often do you change them?
Um, I'd have to go count to make positively sure. I think I have seven. But three of those have sleeves with reversible designs on them so the possibilities are endless :) I change purses every few months. Right now I have a sleeve on one of the small tan hand bags with fall colors. I'll change it to the black one with another sleeve once it starts staying cold.
8. What is the most expensive article of clothing you have (other than jewelry) Where do you wear it and do you wear it often?
I paid $90 for a pair of slacks a few years ago. They fit great and are great quality. They are my go-to item when I don't want to dress up but can't wear jeans. I mostly ware them to work/school functions. But, as long as I don't grow out of them :) I'll have them for years. Totally worth $90!

Bee Under My...Curtains!

2010-09-24T21:54:00.007-06:00

I don't know what happened. I guess I had a few days off and I didn't fell like baking (I know, I know, I must be feeling sick or something) but I had this problem:

And you can see how glaring this problem can be as we're watching TV or a movie before the sun sets (you're looking West out that door, basement family room). Very annoying. My first solution? Tack a blanket up of course :) Then my M-in-L came over with an offering:

"I found these as I was cleaning out my basement and thought you might be able to use them (because you have a blanket thumb-tacked to the wall)." Though, I must admit, it was waaaaaay more stylish than the alternative (not to mention FREE). And if it were any other day, I probably would have just left it like that. But there is something about raw edges and gaping holes that rubs me the wrong way, and as they were, it left something to be desired. So, as I saw it, I had no choice. Out came my M-in-Law's sewing machine :) Yes, I have hers cuz my sister took back my Mom's that I had. Yes, I should just buy my own. Or, borrow my sister's new one that she HASN'T EVEN USED YET. Just sayin...

AnYwAy... In my sewing box (that used to be my Mother's) I found some left over fabric and started measuring and pinning. Then, once I worked the kinks out of the machine, went to town with my straight stitches!! Straight being a relative term. NeVeR look at my seams :) After a few touch-ups while hanging, they're ready for their blogging debut!!

I really wanted to find a darker fabric that would have complimented the navy blue, but red and ecru go with navy as well. I know you can't tell from this pic but it's an ecru rattan fabric with red stripes, almost vintage-looking, except I bought it from Wal-Mart years ago for a quilting project that was never started. Well, I guess I'll have a patriotic room for a while. I really can't argue with FREE, minus a few hours of my day--yes, I said hours. Did I mention I don't have my own sewing machine?? Still, I LoVe that I actually finished it...in one day...and didn't put it off. Thanks, M-in-L for the inspiration...and the sewing machine :)

P.S. In the first picture, can you tell there is a creature in front of the door?? More on HIM soon! :)

Evidence of the Craziness that is my Life

2010-09-20T16:44:00.006-06:00

Funny story:

16 September was 5 years being married (to each other...just wanted to clarify). We've been together for 6 years. Well, 29 September 2004 was our first date. All year I've talked to him about wanting to do this or that, eat at this restaurant, go somewhere, buy me this...or not. I change my mind a lot. But it was all just 'something in the future.' Nothing ever really was planned.

And what happens when we don't plan??

We forget :)

Yup. We both forgot. I was working that day; D was on the road driving something somewhere. But, it wasn't just something we forgot and were all, "Hey, oh man. Too bad we didn't arrange to be together today, but Happy Anniversary anyway." Oh, no! I don't remember what even made me think of it, but Saturday night (two entire days later!!), after a loooong day at the fair and the kids in bed and D fast asleep, I realized we forgot the ENTIRE day.

Then I giggled, realizing that I remembered before him! I can get something out of that, right? Maybe at least some See's chocolates ;)

Happy 5 years, D. I'm so glad we found each other. I have a feeling there will be many more years to come and hopefully better planning :) xoxox

First Day of School

2010-09-01T21:22:00.007-06:00

I know, everyone else has already gone back to school, but since Eliza's new Charter School building still looks like this:

...they had to postpone the start date. Well, as of last Saturday, it looked like that :) The landscaping still needs to be put in and the main concrete floors still need to be stained, but it still looks great and will be an amazing building! We're really excited! Well, E was more nervous than excited, but after school today she was waaay more excited :)

Eliza, first day of third grade, Quail Run Primary School

Waiting at the bus stop with a few more nervous kids :)

Below: "When do I get to go to school??" Now, good night from Northern Utah County. May tomorrow bring you less chaos than today :) (that was more for myself...)

Enjoy :)

When in Rome... Send a Postcard

2010-08-22T08:58:00.000-06:00

No, I'm not going anywhere. Quite the contrary. I'm just reading another book :)

If I come across a book that has been turned into a movie, I will see the movie first...for a few reasons: 1-the book is always better and I don't like to leave a movie disappointed (ie: Twilight), 2-when I'm reading, the images in the movie help shape the images in my head while I read.

Have you ever read a book then found out the actors who will play the characters from the book and you say, "That is soooooo not what Edward is supposed to look like..." (Am I the only one on that point??) Besides, then when I'm reading, I can concentrate on the story and not making images that may have to change depending on my movie-viewing habits :)

Anyway, I love Julia Roberts so I was excited to watch another movie with her, but the more I heard about this book from others I decided to start the book (since I wait to see movies at the discount theater) and have some time to read.

I'm not done with the book. I'm only about half-way through the first of three parts of it. So why am I writing about it now? Because I'm enjoying it :) She has a really fun and funny writing style that cracks me up! I keep thinking..."I would LOVE to go to Italy and just live...no job, no responsibility...just eat gelato and practice Italian..." But I didn't decided to end a marriage of 8 years with a messy two-year divorce and needed time to figure myself out... so, to each their own.

I do get, however, to live vicariously through her. Right now I am thoroughly enjoying her descriptions of Rome and how she's handling Italian life and I'm looking forward to learning more about India and Indonesia! See?? Learning about the world without leaving my living room.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see it all; I love to travel!! I miss traveling. That may be the only thing I miss after having a family and responsibilities...traveling (planes, trains, trams, going somewhere, arriving at a destination in a new city, being in another culture). However, no matter how many places I visit or buildings I walk through or art I see... my choices took me in a different direction, and I wouldn't change a thing.

For now, books will suffice (did I mention I was enjoying this book??) and I can fondly remember my jaunting around Switzerland and Austria sooo long ago.

Later, when the children are taking care of themselves... I'll send them postcards :)

I'm HOOOOOME!!

2010-08-18T16:41:00.003-06:00

Well, technically, I've been home since Saturday, but it was a busy week and I needed time to relax and revive (thankyouverymuch, large soaking bathtub!!) and put off doing laundry and moving camping contents out of my living room (notice I didn't say 'away' just 'out of my living room'...).
Now, as promised, pictures of our New Home and some of my favorites of Redfish 2010
Enjoy!!
FYI: click on the "notes" under the picture for captions

Our New Home

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Redfish Lake, ID 2010

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

We're Going on Vacation

2010-08-09T09:00:00.000-06:00

I'll be back...eventually :)

I'll have pictures...promise

A preview of my most favorite place on Earth from last year...

(this was actually taken myself...I know, huh? Well, it's not hard when the scenery is amazing...)

Wow, Everyone's Excited!

2010-08-08T18:04:00.002-06:00

Sorry, everyone, about no pics of the new house. I guess now you'll have to wait until I get back from Redfish, as I am currently out of town :)

Have a fun week! See you on the flip side!

Home Sweet Home

2010-08-06T20:58:00.002-06:00

Life has been a bit crazy. In a super spur-of-the-moment decision (a moment which was literally handed to us), we decided to move...again. I knew our then-living situation would be temporary, but I never realized how small 5 people in 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom and no room in the kitchen for a proper table could be! :) But we made it work. It was a good situation, but when this opportunity presented itself, I realized just how tight everything was.

5 July: stumbled on the place ("We can do this, wow, we can totally do this!")

6 July: signed paperwork

13 July: started moving things into the garage until the painters were finished

28 July: finished moving everything else

So the last few weeks, we've been packing, loading, unloading, unpacking and unloading the garage :)

But, know what?? I'm not complaining. Why, you ask? a) I have a garage b) I have a kitchen with room for a proper table c) I have my own bathroom with a large soaking tub d) there is an area by the kids' room which has been designated 'the play area' e) there is an extra bedroom and bathroom f) there are 3 separate storage areas - not including the garage g) I have a dishwasher - machine h) I have room for my piano (formerly that of my parent's) :) I could go on, but you get the idea.

One night, after a long hot day, D and I were sitting outside on deck off the kitchen, looking at the view of Utah Valley, Utah Lake, Mnt Timp temple... enjoying the breeze after the super hot day and enjoying being off our feet. I just couldn't believe that this is now my home. We live here. We will be here for a very long time. We are Home.

4 years ago today...

2010-08-01T08:26:00.005-06:00

...I told the doctor this baby needs to come...soon! Thirteen hours of labor and a cesarean section later, she was in my arms, and really hasn't left since!

While she's always been on the smaller side, her mind is growing and growing! She's always amazing me with things she picks up from everything around her. She's also my cuddler and hugger... I could just squeeze her 'til her eyes pop out... but I won't. They're too amazing to look at! I still can't decided what color they are. When she was little, they were a very deep blue. To my dismay the color has faded a bit; now they aren't quite blue or quite green (like the rest of us), not quite gray. Which ever it is, I love the dark colored band that highlight's the iris :)

She is trying her hardest, this summer, to keep up with the older kids. She's overcome swimming fears and is the newest "fish" in the family. Bring on the goggles! She still loves to get dressed up and prefers a skirt or dress to pants or shorts; she'll cuddle with me for hours reading or looking at catalogs.

One of her many questions that made my heart melt: I was trying to explain why it wasn't okay for her to put gum on her clothes (after I found it on a jacket in the dryer). After I was done with what I thought was a perfectly age-appropriate explanation, she looked at me and said, "Mama, what is 'punished'?" Awww, man! Nothing, it's nothing. Forget I said it. Here, here's some gum. Go chew and read and jump on the couch and eat more candy and be a child!
I'm sorry, I'll remember next time :)
And, I can't wait to see how much more you will grow this next year!!

HawthroRNe

2010-07-15T22:36:00.005-06:00

So, I'm really into a show on TNT: HawthoRNe. It's in its second season... ER meets Jada Pinket Smith runing in heals :)

It's funny, though. She's supposed to be the CNO = Chief Nursing Officer of this facility. And she's everywhere! Now, I love the hospital where I work, but I have NEVER, in 5 years, seen our CNO. But Hawthorne is in the ER checking on patients, she's chatting it up with another nurse about a relationship with a doctor, she's in the OR trying to convince a surgeon to do some life-saving operation on a prison inmate who is on death row... TNT really knows drama.

Now, I know that's not reality. Especially when the surgeon is 'gowned' by an unsterile person :) but, that's not the point :) Two other nurses were having a conversation about 'doing something with your life' 'what about dreams' stuff like that. "Candy" (yes, that's really her character's name) has just unexpectedly returned from Afghanistan (Army Reserves) and is talking with "Ray" (the only nurse cast member that happens to be male) about what he "really" wants to do. She's encouraging him to go to medical school. He hems and haws and reluctantly admits to thinking about taking the MCAT. She's excited for him, blah blah blah.

So, I'm thinking, What's wrong with just being a nurse? Why is a nurse not good enough? Why is Candy not satisfied with Ray just being a nurse? Why is Ray not satisfied with just being a nurse? Or is he? Hmmmmm

Maybe I'm sensitive to that because I'm surrounded by doctors every day, in every stage of education, and sometimes I think, "Did I sell myself short? Could I have done more with my education?" Then, I realize that my choices took me in an entirely different direction in life. I chose to be a nurse because I enjoy taking care of people. And, I can do that and still be home with my family. Sure, I won't make the money of a doctor or lawyer, but that trade-off doesn't keep me up at night either.

Maybe Ray told Candy at some point that being a doctor was a life-long aspiration (I missed a few session 1 episodes) and now she's just trying to help him remember that...dunno. But, I love Jada and that she makes nursing cool :) Yes, she and I are on a first-name basis; you can touch me... I'm a nurse.

When I do meet the CNO of my hospital and she's not waring designer clothes with peep-toe heals, I'll be very disappointed.

My Birthday with Fireworks

2010-07-04T11:53:00.002-06:00

We were able to take E's good friend with us to the Stadium of Fire for E's birthday. We all had a fun time. L fell asleep toward the end, but was able to wake up in time for the fireworks :)

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

8 years ago today...

2010-07-03T08:00:00.004-06:00

...I had been in labor for almost 17 hours. Three hours of pushing later, she finally decided to take her first breath (with a little help from the nurse!). I was so exhausted I could barely lift my head off the bed, but when I heard her first cry, I started crying with relief. She was swept away to the NICU for a few hours of monitoring and I think I slept the entire time she was away :)

Since then, however, I have done little sleeping. She's my early-riser, singer, dancer, performer, tumbler, artist and simply amazing. I can remember those first years like they were yesterday. And yet, she and I are able to have amazing conversations about life, scriptures, music, the pursuit of happiness... well, as far as what makes her happy :) She's so great with her sister, teaching her all sorts of things, reading to her, singing together, helping me with so many things. She definitely has my emotions...

And now, she'll be getting baptised next week. Wow. And then, I guess, life will go on as normal... It's just that at major milestones in life I tend to become a little more nostalgic... I can wait for the future because I know it will come much to soon, but I'm still excited to see how it all unfolds!

Loosing It

2010-07-02T09:27:00.004-06:00

...in so many ways, you have no idea :)

But, seriously. My sister and I are participating in a Biggest Looser competition through my work. It started in May and ends in November. We're going for Life Changes, not just crash diets. So, I jump on board and had my sis do it with me. I guess even long distance support is better than none at all, right? :)

So, I was skimming Yahoo this morning, reading sports, World Cup, Headlines, etc, I came across this article... What's the Best for Weight Loss?

Weight for it...weight for it...

Cutting calories!!

Don't believe it? Here's the math:

If you saved about 45 calories per day for 2 years (730 days), that would be: 730 x 45 = 32,850 calories saved over 2 years.
The total number of "saved" calories (32,850) divided by the number of calories in 1 pound of weight (3,500) would be: 32,850/3,500 = 9.4, or about 9 pounds over 2 years!
(that little diddy was taken from the same article)

Really?? Cuz I was hoping for some other miracle drug or fruit or supplement that will melt away the pounds like nothin' else (as long as you are eating a diet full of veggies and working out 5-8 hours a week)!!

So, this article (and every other weight-loss piece of information) shows me and everyone else, there is no substitute for eating normal and having an active lifestyle.

Bugger. Back to the tread mill. Come on, Sis

Cancer Updates

2010-06-29T09:05:00.000-06:00

Check out the Cancer Update page. Great News :)

Now Watching...

2010-06-26T23:10:00.004-06:00

Just finished this movie. Cute, fun, glad I waited for the DVD, totally predictable. Honestly, in order to keep from turning off the TV, I was checking my email, reading articles from Yahoo, texting on my phone. But, I did realize that, "Sheesh, she sure is running a lot..." No really, she really does a lot of running...

Fun, if you want something on as background noise. I did, however, love the soundtrack. I've already downloaded it from iTunes :) I guess it was more productive after all! Interesting...

Oops, I Did It Again...

2010-06-21T15:45:00.003-06:00

Father's Day! Yes, Father's Day! D made my Mother's Day so sweet, I wanted to do something fun for him, get him the best Father's Day present ever! So, I do all that, and I have the kids actually make their own cards for him and we have a great day with a BBQ at his parent's house. THEN, not only do I not mention any kind of nice bloggy tribute about Fathers here (as if there's some unwritten rule that bloggers have to blog on/about holidays), I forget to call my own Father! Did I mention I didn't even send him a card?? Yeah, that's me, Daughter of the Year. Well, I didn't want my mother to feel left out since I didn't send her a card, either...

By the way, why is it completely acceptable to buy power tools for Father's Day but is totally taboo to buy house-anything for Mother's Day?? D, just so you know, I would love a new vacuum!! Whatever the occasion.

Bummer of a Deal

2010-06-14T08:48:00.003-06:00

I've had a bunch of spam comments on a few post over the last few weeks and I'm tired of moderating comments, so I'm bringing back the word verification. Sorry :) but I'm sure you understand :)

Back in the saddle, as it were...

2010-06-10T10:10:00.004-06:00

I can't believe it's been 10 days since I've written anything...not that I haven't thought of anything to write, just haven't wanted to sit down and do it... kind of like my piling laundry (which D has done 4 - count them 4!!- loads today, while I'm away playing nurse with a bunch of docs). So, now, since I don't have laundry to complain about, I guess I could think of something interesting to write...Naaww. I'll just show you some pics :)

Here, E is practicing holding a violin. I'm totally serious when I say that this small violin is no larger than my forearm! She's so excited to start a String Program in her new school this fall.

And you thought the one E was holding was small, you can tell the proportion to L's arm!! Holy cow! How adorable would that be to see my small 4 year old playing Mary Had A Little Lamb??

Reminds me of a fire work :) Just a fun picture I took of a flower. No editing, either :)

This was just a week ago in Bountiful. This whole family is so much fun! :) D's Uncle and Aunt and their 8 sons and respective spouses and children. Yes, I said 8 boys. This was wedding #5. Number 6 will be next month! I love getting together with them, always such a fun time!!

Hope you enjoyed the pics. I'll think of something more interesting later... :)

Parenthood, Disclosed

2010-05-30T11:09:00.001-06:00

I don’t usually get into TV programs, well, not since Friends ended. That was 10 seasons of my life I will never get back. Seriously, though, I won’t turn the channel if I come across a re-run, even if I’ve seen it 10 times.

Anyway, my interests go in and out, mostly because I don’t have time to sit and watch every show I’d like to. Now, DVR has totally changed my TV viewing experience (but that’s another post). Today I want to get into WHY I was YELLING at the TV (well, more the actors) the other night.

The new series on NBC, Parenthood, piked my interest so I DVR’d the pilot after the Olympics and watched it a few days later. OMGoodness, wow. It was a whole new TV viewing experience. And that, coupled with the whole DVR…? I was rendered speechless. I had just watched a TV program about a family with every aspect of dysfunctional…there wasn’t a parental character that I couldn’t relate to. I guess the single music-producer son who’s afraid of commitment doesn’t really sing to me, but the others: the working mom and her parenting struggles, the single mom trying to get back on her feet, the wife who tries to be a peacemaker with her in-law family…I could go on. You get it. I’m addicted to this show.

So, the episode last week, the two cousins who are going to the same high school, are not talking because Amber (the older one) told Hattie (the younger one) not to be so quick to sleep with her (Hattie’s) boyfriend. So, Hattie was feeling pressure from her boyfriend to be intimate so she broke up with him. Amber was totally supportive. But, Amber gets a new job…at the country club…where said boyfriend’s family frequents…they inadvertently have a “connection,” one thing leads to another. Yeah. Amber feels terrible and decides to tells Hattie and is crying, repulsed with herself, trying to apologize to her. Hattie wants none of the apology and walks off. Later, Hattie’s friends are teasing Amber, making fun of her, calling her nice names I’m sure you can think of, please don’t make me type them :) Amber has had enough, tells Hattie that Steve had a connection with her (Amber) that he never had with Hattie. They start fighting, like girls, but they are on the ground and both get taken into the principal’s office and parents are called. Amber’s mom is the single one, trying to start over. Amber’s had her share of trouble. Hattie is considered the “good one.” Hattie tells their parents “Amber told me to break up with Steve, and then she slept with him” and runs off.

What REALLY gets me is that HATTIE BROKE UP WITH STEVE!! I know there is an unwritten law that friends (probably including cousins) don’t date/sleep with ex-boyfriends of friends/family. But Hattie’s mom is almost more upset about the situation than Hattie. AND, Hattie’s parents are blaming Amber’s mom! Well, Amber, too, but they told Susan that she needs to “deal” with it! Excuse me, but what ever happened to, “That really sucks, honey, but maybe you and Steve weren’t a great match.” What would be wrong with that?? Instead of causing a family rift over a 15 year old NOT SLEEPING WITH HER BOYFRIEND, they get mad at the other family…

Sigh…I was yelling at Adam and Christine (Hattie’s parents) what I would have said if I were in Susan’s shoes. That, and Grow Up! It would take too long to type, but you get the idea.

Wow. I was so worked up I had a hard time going to sleep. It’s just so frustrating how sometimes not everyone is willing to look at the other side of the situation. Yeah, it looks really bad, but really? Really? Can we get over ourselves and move on please? Your life isn’t the only thing that’s important. Maybe that’s why I was so upset. Hattie’s parents weren’t willing to see, even ask the other side of the story, or even acknowledge the fact that Hattie BROKE UP WITH HIM! Good heavens. :) Can't wait for next season!! And yes, I will totally DVR it!

"The phrase 'working mother' is redundant" ~Jane Sellman

2010-05-28T09:45:00.008-06:00

When I read that comment, I didn't even know who Jane Sellman was, but I knew I would like her :) Read about her here.

This very topic beggs to be left alone :) Maybe I want to talk about it today because...I haven't talked about it in a while :) I read something about it here and also read all the comments after. Everyone had their two cents to bring. So, I figured, instead of talking to some random person about her decision to be a mother and to work outside the home, I'd just talk about my own thoughts and feeling on my own blog. Why, you ask? Because I can :)

My girls are almost 8 and almost 4. In the last 8 years, I have been a full stay-at-home Mom(SAHM) for a total of 5 months. Wow. Is that all? Really? Yup, I guess that's right. When E was 2 months old, I went back to school to finish my nursing degree (she was a baby; I could be done before she turned 2). Shortly after that, her father and I separated and divorced (that's a whole other story...). Full-time student, working on the weekends, E spent more time with my mother (Nannie) than I did. Before I graduated college, I met a great man with a desire to continue a family. My hopes to be able to stay home with our children were growing brighter.

Gratefully, working as a nurse allows some scheduling flexibility around a family. D wanted to finish his education and I wanted to support him. I knew that, after it was done, we'd be more financially stable for me to be home completely. What was a few more years working? Shortly after we were married, we received the best 'blessing in disguise' we will have ever received. I was pregnant, and my focus completely changed.

I knew what I wanted. I wanted to enjoy my children. I wanted a garden. I wanted...lots of things. Still do :) But I knew that staying home with my children and being home for my husband was more important than having an extra income. So, D got a full-time job with his drafting degree, we bought a house and settled in...

For what, I don't know, nor will I ever know. Eight months later, L was born. That started my 5 short months being home with two children. I was part of a Co-Op preschool with other moms in the neighborhood. I had a cleaning schedule and grocery shopping schedule. I took care of the yard. I didn't have time to start a garden. Five short months later, D was given the news that he might have a tumor. One surgery later, our fears were confirmed. Cancer.

His pain and illness and treatment schedule made his work virtually imposable. I won't even get into the insurance woes. So, there was Life, dropped into my lap. "I don't even know what I would do if I were in your situation." Yes, you do. You'd pick yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going. You wake up, every day, and do what you have to do. Me? I just had to leave my children with D, sometimes friends or family, and go back to work. Luckily, it was a job I loved and co-workers who were supportive of me and our situation. And now, because of my job, we have the best insurance and situation for D and his treatments and doctors. Another blessing, even if I do have to be away from home.

Every situation is different. And mine is something I couldn't control. Because of this, though, I've been put into situations and positions of responsibility and have grown from those opportunities. I can teach my girls to be strong, not because of, but in spite of, other experiences in a working environment. I'm just trying to gain from that which life has dealt me. If it were another situation, I'd learn from that, too. Life is Relative.

Nothing eases the pain, though, when they're crying because they don't want me to go...

Someday, Girls. Someday.

Pictures found here and here

Little Slice of Heaven

2010-05-27T08:12:00.002-06:00

So, my first trip to Moab...ever... was last weekend! It was short but, oh, was it sweet!! I am officially in love with those red cliffs. As my husband and I were driving down Friday evening, I was planning out loud where we would take the kids "next time we come down." Yes, there will most-definitely be a next time, but not soon enough.

It was dark as we drove into town, but the Main Street was bustling with tourists and shops and ice cream and Pizza. We drove the length of the street, found the main grocery store where we would pick up something for breakfast in the morning, then found an empty parking lot and made ourselves comfortable in the back of our Durango on a wonderfully large air mattress. I haven't slept that well in a long time. I think it was the combination of knowing the children were safe and happy at Grandma's and Grandpa's (and wouldn't be waking me up at the crack of dawn), and with the windows rolled down, there was a pleasant spring breeze slipping lightly over my face. I sighed and fell quickly into sleep.

Sleeping in until 7:30 really did feel like Heaven :)

Saturday was hard work, and even though the wind was blowing dried grass and dirt over our sweaty faces and necks, that same breeze helped cool off the heat of the day. We were all glad it wasn't full summer and that it wasn't raining! By evening, we were all hot, tired, dirty, hungry and thirsty, but there was also a huge sense of accomplishment. The last ties were secured around the "Money Load." We got as much square inch used out of that trailer that possible. And it felt great. As Tawna handed over the check for the items purchased, it was high-fives all around!

D and I ate a late dinner at a very busy local place, Zax, and were seated on the covered patio. It was a beautiful warm evening; I enjoyed it all very much. The food and company were great also :) I wanted to just sleep in the car one more night, but D wanted to get back home (sigh). I think I just wanted to wake up to that beautiful warm sky one more time. Until October...

This was an excerpt of what I wrote for E's school blog, http://www.qrps.blogspot.com/ We purchased

some used school furniture and loaded it to be transported back to Pleasant Grove. Re-using gently used items (and I mean gently!) is a great feeling. This was like a "Yard Sale of the Year" load!

With budget cuts, the Board of Directors decided instead of cutting teachers or curriculum, they would scale back on furniture (ie: buying new desks, tables, chairs, bookshelves, etc) and try to get what they can through second-hand purchasing. You would not believe what other schools are willing to sell for pennies on the dollar, just because they want something "new"! With the hauls we made last weekend and another time last week, and a few other stops along the way, the school was able to save almost $250,000! Wow. Wow!

I cannot wait for E to start this school in the fall. Heck, I wish I was going there in the fall! I am so impressed with the Administration and their determination to the children's education, and also to the school itself. I can't wait 'till it's finished being built so I can take pictures and show you all, so you all can be excited with me :)

I really took both of those pictures :) yeah, me!

Moving To Mexico

2010-05-25T07:27:00.000-06:00

Dear President Obama:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English
4. I want my children to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history
6. I want my children to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school
7. Please plan to feed my children at school for both breakfast and lunch
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services
9. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals
10. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start
11. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy
12. I want to receive free food stamps
13. I'll expect free rent subsidies
14. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government
15. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help

You're the man!!!

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-05-23T06:38:00.006-06:00

32 things you probably don't know about me:

1*I'm starting to not like the color blue
2*I carry L almost everywhere, partly because she's small and light, and the other part because I don't want her to grow up so fast
3*E asks to stay home from school almost every day, and sometimes I let her (but we got a note from the principal saying she actually had to physically be in school...geeze!)
4*My kitchen window looks out to a shed that is the coolest color of blue, almost turquoise
5*I took a picture of it once
6*My apartment doesn't have enough storage, and I NEED storage
7*I dvr Glenn Beck
8*I listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio when I drive home from work
9*I dip my grilled cheese sandwiches in ketchup (there could be worse things, quit gagging)
10*I make my children do chores for tickets; they can use the tickets for activities/prizes
11*I am OCD with organization
12*I love to delegate
13*I really trip over my own feet more often when I am chewing gum, no joke
14*I have struggled with my weight since I was young
15*My sister and I fought like cats when we were young. My Grandma even spanked me once for it :) Yup, Grandma, I still remember, but I don't blame you one bit!! I think I was just subconsciously upset that my parents were in Hawaii and didn't take us, even though I was, like, 7 :)
16*My sister is my best friend
17*My husband and I were born in the same hospital, 3 years apart, with the same doctor!
18*I want to go back to school but am terrified
19*I love my job
20*I miss being at home
21*I hate scrap booking, but will be trying the digital stuff...soon...eventually
22*I horde office supplies (seriously, I cannot throw a pen away if it still writes, and don't get me started on post-its and note pads...)
23*I would feel more comfortable if my savings account was just putting the money under my mattress...I might just do it anyway...
24*D and I both have been married before
25*I love camping, anytime, anywhere
26*I need to rotate the food and clothes in our 72hr kits
27*I don't have enough food storage yet
28*I love that the children are old enough to do the dishes w/o supervision
29*I'm obsessive about First-Aid (and the supplies) :)
30*I love dancing
31*I enjoy making jewelry
32*I prefer dark chocolate (oh, common, you were looking for it) :)

Time is Relative

2010-05-16T14:10:00.004-06:00

The lesson in YW today was about keeping a journal. So I figured I should follow my own council :) I've always enjoyed journaling and keeping records of my life. It's been so fun to look through old journals, esp from high school and college. I found my journal I started after I returned from my mission :) I could read through them for hours.

After I had E, time went so fast I would regularly forget to write things down! For all the journals I kept while I was younger, I was a crappy recorder as a new Mom! I tried to keep her baby book up to date and figured, for now, that would have to do. And it did.

When she was about 3, I figured (since I was expecting L) I needed to start writing things down. I bought a cute, girly bound notebook and started writing to her every few weeks, writing about her accomplishments or just goings-on at the time. She's since taken it over as her "fashion album." She loves drawing dresses. For someone who won't let me curl her hair, she's quite the fashionista.

Sometimes, it feels overwhelming, keeping up with everything. L makes me smile every day. She has so much love for everyone around her. Today she showed me what she learned in Primary, the sign language for "I love you Mother"and "I love you Father." What a big smile she had on! There is so much that I want to record and keep. And I know there is so much I miss and don't capture.

But I really love Elder HB Eyring's talk in conference in 2007 about his journal. He would write every day, no exception, where he could see the hand of the Lord in his or his family's life. That talk really opened my eyes and helped me realize there is a purpose for our record-keeping. Among other reasons, it is to help us see the growth of our testimony and the hand of the Lord in our lives. We, and our posterity, can learn from those experiences. That's the whole purpose of the Book of Mormon, to "bring people to Christ," the most important journal compilation in the history of the world.

I know mine won't ever be read by tens of millions of people, but if it brings more understanding to my family after me, then I guess it will be a blessing. I only need to be more diligent. Day by day... :) Thanks for listening. Now, go and writing some thing down for yourself!

What's Wrong With US

2010-05-14T08:45:00.001-06:00

You pass the North Korean border illegally you get 12 yrs hard labor. You pass the Afghan border illegally, you get shot or arrested.

You pass the American border illegally, you get a job, a driver’s license, allowance for a place to live, health care, education...

We carry passports into other countries or face jail time. What's wrong with this picture?
Just a thought...

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T12:18:00.002-06:00

Mother, Daughters, Grandmothers, Aunts, Mother-in-Law, even Cousins, Sister, Sisters-in-Law. I am so blessed and gratefull for all of you! All my love to all of you!

Free Education?

2010-05-07T15:41:00.004-06:00

I was directed to a website which lists news articles and other information on education in Utah. Interesting stuff. One link stuck out: "Lawmaker wants parents to pony up for school supplies."

Whoa. I must be pretty slow. I grew up in Idaho and have only lived in Utah for the last 5 years. When my oldest started school 3 years ago, I was floored that I didn't have to go "school shopping." Well, disappointed was more like it. I have an office supply fetish and was really looking forward to shopping for her school supplies :) But that's another story.

Anyway, I was intrigued so I went to the KSL article, you can read it here, to see how people were commenting. Um, yeah. Pretty much what I thought, and one commenter summarized it pretty well, "Education is Free; Supplies are not." Makes sense to me.

As a parent, I have no problem providing school supplies for my children, so long as there is an affordable option (did anyone else have the "3-ring binder vs Trapper Keeper" debate with Mom or Dad?). I can provide for my children's school supplies and the school can use the money for more important things, whatever that may be. In my po-dunk city in Idaho, the teachers would put together the supply list for their class and Wal-Mart, Office Max, Staples and any other office supply store in the city would have the lists. We'd go into Wal-Mart, look for our school and teacher, grab the appropriate list and go shopping! There were also lists for donation items, if you felt so inclined. It was a great system and seemed to work for us.

But, I know I'm relatively new to the Utah Public Education experience. Am I way off base to think it's a fine idea for parents to be responsible for the school supplies? I know there will always be children who need assistance, but for the most part, it's a conceivable idea. A few other clarification points might be to have the schools district cut back on Administration cost...? Just a thought :)

Let's hear your thoughts!"Education is free; Supplies are not"

Wikipedia Is My Friend

2010-05-05T14:41:00.002-06:00

I am almost certain, Wikipedia has anything and everything you need to know. Seriously, from medical treatments and diagnosis information, pop culture and history to the 2010 Icelandic Volcano Eruption! I guess it's easier to update the Internet than to re-publish the Britannica.

Since Mr. Eyjafjallajökull is deciding to send forth more ash clouds and send Europe into disarray every few weeks, I wanted to do some research and see what this would mean for us, over on the other side of the world, just Food for Thought.

Basically, unless you're flying to Europe, don't expect much of our daily routines to be interrupted. Some meteorologists from NASA (read toward the bottom of the article) are saying that, because of the large and continuous ash plume that followed the initial eruption, it's possible that we may experience a mild summer. Also, there have been 3 other volcanic eruptions coinciding with Eyjafjallajökull's debut (refer back to the article). Fascinating that some volcanic ash that is half a world away can have an effect on us, here in our own little world. Just shows how inter-connected everything can be.

A Great Lesson: One small effort can have huge effects. Pass it on!

Muchas Gracias Monday

2010-05-03T09:59:00.003-06:00

Today I'm grateful for Sunshine. It's cold and windy outside, but if I just look out the window, I can see a beautiful Spring morning. I'll just stay inside and enjoy the day and view from the window :)

I'm also grateful my Mom was able to be with us the last few days while D has been in the hospital for chemo. She's leaving to go back to ID today :( but it was fun while it lasted! Plus, having her stay with us allowed me to stay overnight with D a few times. He hates being alone. Who wouldn't?

Thanks, Mom!!

Says Who?

2010-04-28T15:21:00.003-06:00

I know, I know, it's not Monday anymore, but It's been a while since I've even done a Muchias Gracias Monday post and since I'm in a blogging rut, I don't want to seem un-Gracias.

So, this week, I'm greatful for: Rest!

I picked up an extra shift last week and it kicked me in the BEE-hind. I lost my laundry/cooking/cleaning day! Working that one extra day threw off my whole grove and I've been in a funk ever since. Sheesh!

So, the opportunity presented itself again this week, and though the little extra cash may be nice, I can't take doing laundry all weekend!! I will enjoy my day off tomorrow, cleaning the kitchen, doing more laundry and getting the banana bread made that I wanted to do last night. AND, my Mom's coming to town!! Yeah, me :) Hehe, maybe she'll do the kitchen for me :)

Okay, Rest and Family :)

Oh, No she DIDN'T!

2010-04-22T14:34:00.003-06:00

A friend of mine has a private blog, to keep us all updated with their growing family in the wiles of the wild Wyoming west :) No, really. They really live in the middle of nowhere, in Wyoming. Actually, right now, I would love that kind of solitude. And they do.

Anyway, I was commenting on one of her posts about how some lady actually said out loud to my friend a bunch of ignorant stuff about being a stay-at-home Mom and how "it's not as demanding as teaching (she's apparently a substitute teacher)." Say whaa?? Yeah, so I'm sending positive words to my friend who not only chooses to stay home to raise her babies, but also home schools her 2nd grade son and is now doing preschool with their 4year old daughter, plus, she has a toddler and is prego with another! Not as demanding...humph! Good heavens!

So, my point was, E was praising me one night for the dinner I had made. She said she was so glad that I loved her so much to make such nice things for her. Her words. It totally took me by surprise; not the concept, but the fact that she put "cooking" and "love for her" together! I hugged her and told her that's exactly why I love cooking; because I get to see other people enjoy something I created, just for them. It was a neat moment.

Nope, I wouldn't give mothering up for anything!

Finally

2010-04-20T09:56:00.000-06:00

Now THIS is more like it :)

THIS I can handle
Welcome, Spring. It's so nice to see you.

My Girls

2010-04-18T13:59:00.008-06:00

I took advantage of my sister while we were up in Idaho last week. And I say that with all the love an older sister can congure up for a younger sibling. She has more creativity in her little finger than I do in my whole being. And if ever any of you think I am creative at something, it is because I got the idea from her :)

Seriously, though, I love the photos she takes. She works with the lighting, finding the perfect background, angling the camera just so... For example, I wanted to do pictures of the girls in the morning because it fit into the schedule of the day. She said, "The lighting won't be right." I said, "What are you talking about? It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow!" Sheesh! I totally knew what she ment by the morning sun not being the best time of day; I was just playing dumb :) But that's one of our many differences, Left vs Right Brain functions, pretty much explains our childhoods.

Anyway, so Yes, every time I can get cute and fun pictures of the gilrs in something other than ragged play clothes, I have to; I like to document their dresses, mainly because they are so adorable and grow out of them so fast. Plus, she'll edit them and make them look even MORE amazing! I love it! :)

Thanks, Sis :) xoxox

PS check out her mad editing skills HERE

R & R

2010-04-06T10:37:00.002-06:00

I'm at my Home-Away-From-Home for the week. All kinds of fun stuff planned. We went to the Hot Springs yesterday then after we came home, watched it snow a few inches. Bugger. So, I'm gonna take some time away from this thing for the week. I'll check up on you all and give updates next week.

I may just have to go snow shoeing later...

The noise, the NOISE, all the Noise, NoisE, NoiSE, NOISE

2010-03-31T13:17:00.005-06:00

After school yesterday, the girls and I went up to visit Daddy in the hospital. I was going to take another piece of his birthday cake before we ate it all, but I forgot it!! Don't worry, it's still set aside :)

Me, being the awesome Mom that I am, stopped at the gas station to get a drink and told them they could get a treat. Yeah, didn't really think that through. After dinner with D, we were back in his room and I thought it would be nice to watch something family-friendly together (ie: American Idol) -- come on! It's not like we're watching Family Guy or the Simpson's! -- and about the second song, I realize I can't hear myself think! Between the 3yo not having a nap and being allowed an extra 3 days worth of sugar and the 7yo wanting to sing me every song from the latest Barbie movie, there is nothing about this "family watching" that is restful. So, we said good night to Daddy, who was tired and ready for bed anyway, and started home.

I knew it would happen, too. Before we got to I-15, they were both fast asleep, after a brief fight over the phone book as a pillow. I enjoyed a quiet, NPR-filled, even-traffic-flowing ride home. After a quick teeth-brushing session, we all collapsed on the girls' bed. They wanted me to lay with them, which didn't take much coaxing. I felt like one of 3 bugs under a rug, and once the kicking stopped, we were all fast asleep.

Well, they were. I had too much on my mind: the laundry sitting in the dryer, wanting to finish Idol from my dvr, the sewing project I started earlier that day, grocery lists, wanting to go to bed early because I had to get up early for work, but still had to get my day ready for tomorrow... (sigh) I just stayed there... my arm draped over both of them, the baby nestled up against me holding my other hand, the older one still sleeping with my teddy bear the kids call Teddy...and fell asleep listening to the music.

Muchas Gracias Monday

2010-03-29T15:26:00.005-06:00

Today is my husband's 35th birthday. His parent's adopted him and picked him up from the hospital when he was 3 days old. I'm sure for those three days there was plenty of love from the nursery nurses to keep him occupied until his parents and older sister got to him.

But today is a very different birthday. Unfortunately, he still ages a year, but also, he has to spend it here...

We just finished lunch at the Bistro; now he's content to be watching the construction mayhem from his large window. He loves this room because it has the view of the construction. So, for this week, that is our "Muchas Gracias Monday" post, that even though he has to spend his birthday in the hospital receiving IV antibiotics, at least he can spend the time watching the construction.

Mix It Up

2010-03-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

D and I were able to spend some time together Friday and Saturday. My mother took the kids with her to ID for the weekend and, because I have to work Saturday morning, I followed later that evening. So, I was able to spend all of my off-work time from Thursday night until Saturday with D. He just sleeps and I watch TV, with the occational walk, but I love when his head is on my lap and I can rub his scalp. His hair is at the velvety texture length...mmmmm. He likes it too. After I got off work Friday afternoon, I went to his room, got him out of bed and we walked around the halls. A snow storm was moving away from the valley and the view from the patio was amazing. I'll post pics later. He'll be done with chemo later today so I'll take him home tonight.

Despite the fact that the country is up in arms today (go to your favorite news site/channel to follow the Health Care Bill fall-out; I don't want to get into it here), I've officially made a decision; well, a few actually. I've decided I will not be returning to school this fall to pursue a Pharmacy degree. Instead, I've started the enrollment process for E into a homeschooling program. This is in the event that she doesn't get into a certain charter school by fall. (Deep breath) I will potentially be homeschooling her to her fullest potential, which is the ultimate goal :) Bless my heart...

Another Care of a Cancer Patient

2010-03-17T09:56:00.005-06:00

Thank you so much for all of the kind words of support. I truly believe that there is nothing in life that needs to be traveled alone and without support. My family is a huge support and now I have even more friends who are willing to give unconstrained support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

On Sunday, I looked over at D and noticed he had shaved his goatee (?). That is a huge step; he's had that portion of facial hair since 1996 or something. Well, he shaved it off, because I asked him to, for our engagement pictures. Then, I was more than willing to have him grow it back. It just suits him and his stature. Also, I must say I prefer him bald, too. He finally shaved his head before his first surgery in January 2007 and has kept it shaved ever since. I just wish rubbing his bald head gave us more luck...maybe I should start rubbing the tummy AND head at the same time!

Anyway, my point :) I swear it's coming; I do have one.
I know exactly why he cut it...it was falling out. Seeing it gone made me stop, think, breathe. Real. Hair. Loss. You guys think I have it bad, but D internalizes everything to try to lessen my burden he said once. For him and anyone else struggling with something so internal, this is an experience something anyone will never truly understand unless it's lived. I worked as a nurse with cancer patients before I switched to the OR, so I have an idea, but it's not something I live with daily.

My heart aches for him.

Cancer cannot steal hope, as long as you don't let it.

Oh, The Foolishness of Man (in this case Woman)

2010-03-12T10:19:00.008-07:00

Warning: It's long. Get comfortable.

It's been a long week...well, a long few months...aww heck! It's been a freakin' roller coaster! :)

And sometimes, I have to admit that I can't do everything, all by myself...and I hate that. I hate feeling inadequate. I loathe the thought of asking for help or admitting that I need it. That is just part of my personality. I don't really consider it a flaw, because it has kept me pretty self motivated and self reliant, both of which have served me well in my life.

And then, about 7 years ago, I hit a wall. Well, it was more of a wake-up, "How did I end up like this?" Looking back, post-partum depression was probably the instigator, but I was so used to simply "making things work" that I didn't take time to see the signs. That, and my then-husband going in and out of jail, drugs, and excessive drinking weren't helping my stress levels.

I had just started back to school after E was born and was in the Nursing Program. I don't remember now how it came to me, but somehow I recognized that I was not feeling normal, happy, content, functional. I made an appointment at the Student Health Clinic and through tears, told the provider that I thought I needed an anti-depressant. I completely broke down, sobbing, and saying how much of a failure I felt by asking for medication, but I didn't know what else to do. He asked for details of my life at the time and the past year, which I gave him. And I can only think what must have been going through his head, but he did (very professionally) explain the mechanisms of our brains and bodies and that, with stress, chemicals we need to function can sometimes be thrown "out of whack." After that explanation, and having someone else reiterate to me my life stresses, especially after having a baby, I was able to see the logic. And, after a few months, I was able to realize the stress coping mechanisms were so much more effective with the extra neurotransmitters :)

After a year, I was able to taper myself of my medication. Life was good. I was close to graduating with my Bachelor's in Nursing, looking at starting a new career. I also had the responsibility of being a single mom of the most adorable toddler. I love change. I love starting new journeys. I was excited to start our new life...somewhere. Then I met D, to which was added a whole new dimension to our lives. Long story short, we were married and moved to SLC, he was starting school and I started working to get him through school. A year later, we added another beautiful baby to our mixed family. I was more aware of the threats of PPD this time and had talked with my OB. We planned and prepared, but being prepared helped me to know what to expect. And, somehow, I found the coping skills I needed. PPD found no place that time.

And then...life. D's first tumor surgery, waiting 3 months for a diagnosis, D's second surgery to remove metastatic lymph nodes and muscle, starting chemotherapy. Oh, yeah, and I started working full time again, night shift of course. By summer time, I realized I was again in a state of fog. I wanted to be Super Mom and Super Wife and Super Nurse and Super...just superwoman. What's wrong with that?

Oh, right. That's not physiologically possible.

Shucks. So, what did I do? I put off going to my doctor. Why, you ask? Cuz I have a little voice in my head that tells me I need to be perfect and that I don't need to burden anyone else. I waited a year too long, but eventually admitted I needed help.

Why am I writing all this? Mostly for myself, so I can visually see my progress, recession, and progress again. Also, maybe someone else needs to hear that it's okay to not be perfect. I recently, unintentionally, stopped my medication. I ran out, forgot to get the refill, kept forgetting to pick it up. Honestly, it was unintentional. Then, after a few days, I was feeling fine so I figured I'd try going a little longer and see how I did. Maybe I'll be okay.
Yeah, no.
Yesterday I was back into a fog. I broke down. It wasn't pretty. I promised myself I would pick up my medication today. Then I start all over.

I'm not perfect. I am a working mother and family bread-winner. My husband has Cancer. My children are young and vulnerable, yet amazingly resilient. I'm tired and the sight of laundry gives me a head ache. And, even though I'd like to be, I know I'm not Super Woman, nor am I expected to be. So, as much as I don't like the idea of succumbing to my weaknesses, I will accept the help of this little pill. I want to be a positive influence for my family, and if this will help, I will accept. And I can't wait to go home, hug my babies and read a bed-time story!

Wanna Fun Time???

2010-03-10T11:34:00.001-07:00

Go to this website :)

Enjoy your Wednesday. I know I will...try...

What a Weekend

2010-03-08T12:04:00.006-07:00

D had to go back into the hospital. He spiked a temp on Friday (101.3!) so he had to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics. Unfortunately, on Thursday evening, I had a PRK touch-up on my eyes that led to iodine getting into my left eye which equals pain! I couldn't open the left eye and the right eye was blurred so I was essentially useless and drugged for an insane amount of pain, OMG the pain! I think I would rather have back labor again than cut into my eyes and have iodine seep into them!

I had a nice weekend with my family from ID, also, from what I could see. My mother found out about the eye stuff and D having to go to the hospital, so she had my sister drive her down, pick up me and the kids and drive us to ID for the long weekend. My sister and I took over the dining room table with my bead stuff and made all sorts of fun things. Yeah, try threading a beading needle with one eye :) Ahhh, I love family.

Anyway, my eyes feel better but will be blurry for a while still. D will be able to go home tomorrow and our lives will go back to some semblance of normal, which I know is relative :) ... just as long as I can get their bedroom put back together, all will be well with the world.

Options

2010-03-04T08:19:00.002-07:00

I've been seriously considering homeschooling my kids. I've been looking into it while I'm considering other reprocusions (time, social aspects). However, I'm coming away with more positives than negatives. At least, here in our area, there is a large population of homeschoolers and programs (field trips, activities, etc) set up for them. My only problem is the fact that I work three days a week, so my options are limited. Not to mention I'll be starting school in the fall...again... (that's a whole other post)

However, you think our public school options are bad? Read this article and you will thank your lucky 50 stars for the options we do have. Maybe I'll just get in line for a charter school...

Simplicity

2010-03-03T11:02:00.004-07:00

E and I enjoyed a small walk along a trail path after school yesterday. She was completely enamoured about finding out there where no Leprechauns and that a four-leaf clover is botenologically impossible. The rest of the conversation went seriously like this:

E - But, Mom, when kids like me find out that a story isn't real, that its just something parents are telling their kids, when we find out it's not real? It makes us really sad.

Me - Well, it's kind of like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. They are just fun stories because it's fun to pretend and use our imaginations.

E - But, Mom. The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are real, so that doesn't count.

Me - (sigh and try to hold back the laughs while smiling)

E - Besides, what would you do with all those teeth??

I hugged her so tight and we had a good laugh.
Hey, world, I tried to be honest and logical with my growing child, but I loved the result!! :)

Home Again

2010-02-28T16:59:00.005-07:00

While D and I were having lunch together Friday at the Bistro, I was eating my delicious salad when he reached over, grabbed a napkin and dabbed his eyes. He was tearing (funny side note: E said once that she was just 'sweating out her eyes.' hehehe). He said he was going to tell me something but he started tearing up before he started. Awwww. He said he dreamt early that morning that L, our youngest, was laying on him and hugging him. He went to hug her back and woke up, and of course no one was there. He was pretty upset about it.

He's such a social guy. He doesn't like to do things by himself. When we're not together, unless I'm at work, he likes to be on the phone talking with me, or other friends if I can't talk. He'll do anything if I do it with him! And, he loves his kids and loves to hug them and hold them and play with them. So, when he's alone at the hospital, he says night time is the hardest. Not only is he in a small bed by himself, but no one comes and jumps on him in his bed to give him a good morning hug :)

D came home from the hospital late Friday night. He could have stayed the night and gone home Saturday morning, but once he made the suggestion, I agreed he would sleep better once he returned home. Plus, the girls were already staying with his sister for the night. So, we came home and slept in until 10am. It was heaven!

Now he's resting and so are the children...and in a way, so am I :)
Have a nice week, everyone!

By George! I think I've got it!!

2010-02-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

So many people ask what they can do for me, for us, after they hear about the chaos that is our lives. I honestly don't know. Chocolate is always a good choice, but even I have the occasional chocolate limit (stress on occasional). Do you really want to do my dishes and laundry? I didn't think so, and I don't blame you :)

Sooooo, something hit me the other night. Let me explain first.
Cancer patients occasionally require blood transfusions: platelets, plasma or even the whole unit of blood. Chemotherapy kills cancer cells, but it also kills blood-producing cells. So, after a round of chemo, the patient's dead blood cells are cycled out of the system, but it takes a few days for the bone marrow to catch up with the body's need and new demand. Low red blood cells = low energy (and lots of other side effects, but I'm keeping it simple). With D's first course of chemo in 2007, he had 3 blood transfusions over the year, I can remember. There might have been a fourth, but no matter. Point is, with 3 transfusions, that's 6+ units of whole blood. There were also, for D, 4+ transfusions of just platelets (when his blood clotting factors were low).

Back to my point
Here's what any one of you can do to help:
Donate Blood!! You can even get paid to donate plasma, but the blood companies can get plasma when they spin down the whole blood. There is, however, always a tremendous need for both.

There are Red Cross and ARUP blood donation centers all along the Wasatch Front, or you can find one near when you live. This way, you are not only helping D but a whole community of Cancer patients, young and old! ARUP is the main blood donation supplier of Huntsman, Primary Children's, Shriner's and UofU hospitals here in Salt Lake City. What a great way to help!!

Awesome! Thank you so much!! If there are any questions, just let me know.

How to Take Care of a Cancer Patient

2010-02-24T11:39:00.007-07:00

Welcome to the Huntsman Hotel.

That's the nickname patients and family have given this amazing place. It's a beautiful and modern facility; a place where Jon Huntsman, Sr, imagined would help the cancer patient and family forget they were in a hospital and would encourage the focus on healing. You can read more about him and his efforts here. A truly amazing man.

I dropped D off here today, on the Oncology Inpatient Unit. He'll be there, having a continuous infusion of chemotherapy with 3 different drugs until Saturday. I held myself together pretty well, but almost lost it when the clerk took us to the VIP suite. It's been two years since I've worked there, but we were met with hugs and well-wishes. I had to leave to go to work, but I know he's in good hands. I'm bringing the children up tomorrow after school so we can have family time. Thanks for all of the kind words, thoughts and prayers for our family. He and I will have dinner together today, at least :)

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Change is...

2010-02-23T21:18:00.006-07:00

Change is good. Change is fun. Change is...inevitable. Yup, I just dropped the Bomb Of The Century! What?? Things change?? Sheesh, is THAT all??
Well, I for one love change. No, I embrace It! Yes, I would be totally comfortable changing my job every three or four years (if I wasn't happy with what I was doing). If it wasn't such a darn headache moving, I'd love to do that every few years too! I love going to new places, getting into the local culture; I just love traveling.

However, since it's not realistic, especially with children, moving every few years, there are a few things I CAN change, whenever I darn-well please.

Side note: Did you know? In a recession, the sale of lipstick increases?? It's an easy, inexpensive pick-me-up...and don't we all need more of those?

My hair, cut or color, doesn't matter. A few months ago I was blonde then went red. It was shocking because we were expecting something more in the dark brown range, but I really liked the auburn color. And, it worked well because my skin does well with cool colors. So, over the weekend when my roots were alarmingly in contrast (think light brown next to red...yeah), my vanity took over and I called my sister. Thanks to her schooling, I reap many of those benefits. She told me what I needed. I've colored her hair a few times, with her coaching, so I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do, but doing that on your own head...in the back? Basically, I was just moving the brush around and mushing the color with my fingers. D says it's blended well enough that when he's not playing with it, you can't really tell it's patchy :) Thanks, sweetie.

I really should have used another ounce of product, but I didn't think about buying two tubes of color, so I just tried to make it work. And it does. At least my roots are taken care of. And the result? A really nice dark brown with a hint of red in the light. :) LOVE IT! Thanks Teresa. And Amber, I'm sorry I didn't call you :) It was a spur of the moment decision and I couldn't wait another day!! You know I love you and your scissors :)

I feel so accomplished today. Know what else? While my hair was processing, I made home-made Mac'N Cheese and veggies AND put away and started another load of laundry. It was a good day :)

Olympics!! (hand pump in air!!)

2010-02-19T13:13:00.002-07:00

So far, since Friday ~I (heart) DVR~ I've been staying up late every night watching the events for the day and sometimes from the evening before. I've even been totally lazy on my days off, just sitting and watching and fast-forwarding TV and munching popcorn and chocolate chips. Love it!!

AND, I have enjoyed my Olympic watching so much that I've involved the children...well, I've tried too anyway. Pretty much the only thing that will hold their attention is figure skating...and it's pushing it with the short program, so the long program is out. They're off doing whatever else before the skater has finished their second combination!

Regardless, watching the Pairs Skating last weekend with their short programs, of course I'm going to be behind the USA guys! However, I always have a soft spot for underdogs, too. Since the judges took any chance away from the US couples ~even though none of the US couples had any falls yet somehow received lower scores, whatever~ I was all for Xue Shen and Hongbo Zhao from China (the couple who have been together for 18 years and were married last summer) to get the gold! Good for them! Love a good story!!

Then, there is the Canadian Men's skater, 19 year old kid who has so much pressure on his shoulders, did a great job but according to the commentators, has a lot still to develop. Bless his heart :) and I loved watching him skate to the Phantom of the Opera!

But it wouldn't be fun unless it came down to Russia vs USA. Apparently the scoring system has changed ~ not that I knew much about it before ~ but I guess falls still take points away. Dang. Unless you're on a pairs team, in that case an "almost-fall" takes away more points than the actual "fall" but I digress. Anyway, Plushenko from Russia had a quad jump planned in both his short and long programs. And he did it, in both, but from my untrained eye the landings were wobbly and not as clean as others or even as clean as his triple jumps ~ and apparently my untrained eye can't figure out how falling can equal more points, but we're moving on. But, yes, to his credit, he landed a quadruple jump. What did Lysacek have? A whole bunch of other jumps and fancy footwork! I could have done with out the feathers, but hey! Even with a wingspan rivaling Michael Phelps, he was the most graceful grown man on ice I've seen in a long time! So, the Russian feels the gold was stolen from him, but read this article and you'll totally agree with how and why Lysacek has every reason to cherish that gold medal! Good for him.

It's been a fun week and I can't wait for the weekend again!! Men's Hockey on Sunday, Canada vs USA!!! And I don't even like hockey, but I'll watch this! Also, I totally cried when Lindsey Vonn made it down the mountain ~ ALIVE ~ and won the gold. What an amazing feeling that must have been. And that's what I love about the Olympics: even if our country is out of the race, there is always another story, another person's personal trial to overcome adversity and struggle to the top. And we can all celebrate that! Speaking of celebrating, how about celebrating that two Koreans trip over each other right before the finish line leaving space for you to slide into the Silver medal?? Now that's a nice day, Apollo :)

Many Thanks, For We Are Greatful

2010-02-17T12:59:00.002-07:00

Thank you to the many people who have shared thoughts and love and caring words with us over the last few days. We are truely blessed and have wonderful friends and family. As much as I miss our friends in Sandy and Salt Lake, I understand now why I had such a desire to move south. We will keep you posted.

Thanks again,

Made With Love

2010-02-16T07:30:00.004-07:00

I know what you're thinking: "Support Our Troops? Really? I didn't know Rachel knew anyone in the Military..."

Okay, maybe you weren't thinking that. I do know people in the military, and I love and support the entire military, but that's not what this is about today.

The Yellow Ribbon also has personal significance: it is the ribbon for Sarcoma, like the Pink Ribbon is for Breast Cancer. Go here for more information on ribbon colors.

June is also Sarcoma Awareness Month. I didn't mention it last year because I was hoping this was all behind us. Alas, that is not to be. D found out last Friday that he has another Ewing's Sarcoma tumor, in the same area where the last one was removed in January 2007. We won't know for a few more days what exactly will happen. He's not excited about more chemotherapy or radiation (who would blame him). It's been a blow to both of us. We were hoping he'd make it past the 5 year mark so we could increase his Life Insurance Policy. Oh, did that sound sadist? I didn't mean it like that :)

Well, this is a blog about cancer, right? I guess I need to kick up the "How To Take Care of A Cancer Patient" Column. I'll keep you updated. And Thank You to those who have already expressed their love and concern and thoughts and prayers with us. I know that's what helped us through the first time and we will get through it again....

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T08:26:00.001-07:00

Yes, 5 years ago today, my then-boyfriend propsed his love for me and asked me to be by his side forever :) .... or something along those lines. Actually, when he finally pulled out the ring, I was so taken aback, not expecting it At All...I then had a momental flash of our evening but you'll want to read the rest of that story here because I don't want to type it all again. Besides, it's D's version of the story :) Fun stuff.

Anyhooo, I am in total agreement with how comerciallized this, and every other, holiday is becoming. Don't get me wrong, flowers are beautiful and I love having them around the house, but seriously? If all you bring home on V-Day is a vase of flowers -- or especially Roses!! Can we get anymore gineric? -- you WILL be in the doghouse. At least be freakin' original, okay?? Put some thought into it.

Don't get me wrong, I love D and he will do anything for me or anyone else that needs something. He has a huge heart...but, as with most men, can forget/procrastinate a bit... You know I love you, babe :) Plus, he hasn't been feeling well a lot lately. Sooooo, I thought I'd help him along. We don't go out much on "real" dates, so I figured this is a good excuse to get out. I wanted to make things managable for him so he doesn't stress out, and though flowers are well-intended, I'd rather he spend the money on something else (like really good chocolate, as opposed to Russel Stover).

So I made a list... went something like this:

Dear D: These are the chocolates I want in dark; go here to get them. I want to go see this movie at a matine (every little savings counts). I don't care where we go to eat; it'll just be nice to have more than 60 minutes together. You pick the movie time and eatery and arrange the babysitter, but don't give me the chocolates until Sunday morning. I bought little boxes of chocolates for the kids to put out for them at the breakfast table, so you can put mine there in the morning, too. Thanks, Babe! Love R~

I know he loves me. I don't need a holiday for him to express it. He does that every day. I'm lucky. I know what I have. Sometimes I take it for granted, okay a lot of times, but it's still fun to be reminded... :) xoxox

Enjoy Today...

2010-02-11T10:14:00.002-07:00

I wanted to write this post at the beginning of January, being in line with starting off a New Year, yadah, yadah, yadah, but something happened...Oh, yeah! Life! Ironic.

Earthquakes in Haiti, a short family trip over a long weekend, loosing a memory card full of pictures (then finding out my sister downloaded the whole thing to her computer too so I can at least recover them!), a house full of sickies including myself, getting back to work, catching up on everything, trying to enjoy something. You know, normal everyday stuff we all are familiar with. Add a daily dose of really good chocolate and you pretty much have my 'every day' in a nutshell.

And yet, it all goes by so fast! My oldest turned 10 just a few weeks ago. Christmas seemed like just yesterday yet February is almost half over!

Now and then I will catch myself contemplating and reflecting on...life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness :) and also all of these in respect to my children. I am in a time and place in my life which revolves around the children. I could go crazy trying to give my children all the social, developmental and physical stimuli available. But, seriously, is it necessary? The 10 year old enjoys video games and building things from anything. The 71/2 year old enjoys drawing and painting and writing. The 31/2 year old enjoys being read to, jumping/running and scribbling. However, the 10 year old needs to work on reading; the 7 year old needs to work on math; the 3 year old...well, she's Three. 'Nough said.

And in my desire to give them the most fulfilled, enriched, enlightened, developed childhood, I could very well pass up the opportunity to give just what I am supposed to as a parent...Myself. And this is my struggle. I work full time because my husband can't; I am home late; sometimes I leave early in the morning; I am often tired; I try to cook healthful meals and succeed most days, but Ramen noodles and veggies is a family favorite; I have 3 beautiful children and a husband who also desperately need my attention.

So, pretty often I have to remind myself of my truest joy, my family, and what I want my children to learn from me: Make the most of your opportunities; We can't always skip school, but there are some exceptions; Organization is important but so is spontaneity; You will have your family forever so learn to enjoy them.

And, enjoy today...before it's all just a memory.

When the Light Goes Out

2010-02-06T18:29:00.006-07:00

I was told a long time ago that one should never start a writing piece with the Title. The Title should be one of the last things to add, because... uhh, oh I'm sure there is a good reason. I sometimes think it's fun to just write down something cute, then write more about it!

That's one of many problems with the structured school systems, at least where I grew up. It seemed as though if it wasn't done how the teacher thought it should be done, it wasn't good enough. I remember so many times when I would do a writing assignment, thinking of something creative and original was very difficult for me! So, the act of actually completing the assignment was huge! But I was never graded on what I had done, rather on how the teacher viewed the paper or the topic, or how he/she felt it needed to be expressed.

As you can imagine, it was very frustrating. I never saw myself as creative, and writing something fictional was very challenging. So I never did it. Once I finished the last English class in college that I needed for my major, I never did it again. Ever. Nothing. Aside from the occasional newsletter or family letter, Nadda.

Then, a few many years after the rest of the world apparently, I heard of this thing called a "blog" where people, mostly Mom's, were showing their pictures and crafts and...stories. Hmmm, that's odd. Am I the only person who didn't know about this until 2007? Where have I been!

And, Oh! The liberation of writing what I want and how I want to write it! Thank you America, and Thank you to whomever it was that started this whole thing! Now, what this has to do with the lights going out, I have no idea, but I don't have to change it cuz I don't want to. :) Have a great weekend!

Another Look at the Pitty Party

2010-02-03T16:20:00.009-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything about cancer (or I guess, how cancer has been a part of my family) for some time now. Now I'm curious...this was my last post about The Cancer in our lives. Read and enjoy, but join us back here for the rest of the discussion. :)

Good and thank you for returning! :)

Now that everyone is caught up, I think I need some mental time with the concept again (deep breath) and that time is now, because I am sitting here...with time...and thoughts.

I think I purposefully haven't posted anything about The Cancer because it makes it seem too real...but it is real, isn't it? I can't just will it out of his life (who is also a part of mine). I guess I have to deal with it sometimes...only on My terms

**Hi. My name is Rachel and my husband was diagnosed with Cancer in 2007. He spent that year in and out of the hospital having 10 week-long rounds of chemotherapy every 5-6 weeks then had 30 days of radiation treatments. I started working full time in order to support the family and have insurance. Since February of 2008, we go through an emotional roller coaster every 3 months as we wait for MRI results. We look at every bump, worry about every pain, and I'm sure he looses more sleep over every detail, wondering...Is this it? Will it happen again?**

D had a thyroid scare last week and it will be biopsied next week, and I'm not too worried about that. But, in the same area as his first tumor, there is a "mass" that has been hanging out, soaking up contrast and dye and white cells for almost a year and has recently decided to enlarge itself. We've known about it; the doctors are 'watching' it. We found out this morning that it's gotten bigger. The oncologist wants to biopsy it; the surgeon wants to cut the damn thing out. We are waiting for the thyroid biopsy to see if parts of it need to be cut out too then do them both together.

Now what? Now what you ask? Dunno, I could make up a lot of things :) but we just have to wait. Then, of course, I always over-react and things are never as bad as you think it will be...except for that one time I told D, "Settle down, it's not cancer. What are the odds, I mean, really. People have head aches all the time. I love you; here's some ibuprofen." THAT ONE TIME.

In all seriousness, though, it probably will be nothing; an overactive thyroid, a fistula that is trying to start and just happens to be draining in that very spot in his neck...random collections of lymph nodes that are in the wrong place...really, nothing.
And now we have two weeks to think about it.

Thanks for letting me vent my feelings. Sometimes simply acknowledging the feelings allows them to be properly managed. And by properly managed I mean thrown into the air, twirled, caught, then tossed back into the corners of the mind where they can be once again filed for a fitting "When I have a spare moment" moment.

Now, on with life. Dinner is waiting and I believe I hear E reading a story to her little sister.

We Welcome February With Open Arms

2010-02-02T14:18:00.003-07:00

Yes, what would our world be with out Valentine's Day? Hold on, let me change my Pandora station. It was playing something Britney Spears, but to chat about Valentine's Day, I need some Jim Brickman!

Okay, thanks for waiting. That's better. Now...what were we discussing? Oh, yes, Valentine's Day. I was thinking more along the lines of Chocolate and it's role in this scrumptious holiday, but truffles are beside the point.

How has Valentine's Day changed our world?

Or has it?

I know personally some people who are completely opposed to setting aside a specific day for an outpouring of affection toward someone. This group of people think it ridiculous that there has to be one day dedicated to Love. "I show love every day," or "No one needs to tell me how to show love," etc. Well, actually, (scoff), apparently some people do need a bit of education...Hello, Reality TV!

I digress. Interestingly enough, Wikipedia has a topic on it :) and, wouldn't we know it, started from remembering religious martyrs who, in the early centuries, were given the name Valentine... and somewhere along the line romantic notes started being exchanged in the Middle ages... hummm... martyr = sentimental love... Wow. That could be another post entirely!

Anyway, regardless how interestingly our version of Valentine's Day has come about, is it really all that bad to have a visual reminder??

Um, What's that smell???

2010-01-31T13:41:00.001-07:00

One of my days off last week, the sun was shining and it felt nice to be outside without a jacket. So I decided it was a great day to clean out the cars. We had bought a new booster seat for L because she's big enough now to be out of the 5-point restraint, so I started with removing the car seats from both cars...and oh what a mess to behold!!

Every time I move the car seats, I am determined to not let the kids eat in the car...and then we go on a long road trip, or I just have a week moment while out running errands or grocery shopping and I succumb to the Gold Fish! And then I pay for it later... every time.

Anyway, as I'm using the dust buster, I find myself guiltily enjoying this little task. There is something about vacuuming that I love, and I think it's the Instant Satisfaction. You see the mess, then **Poof** it's gone!

Chaos is gone and Order is once more established!
(insert sinister laugh here)

So I happily busted dust and debris and food crumbs in both cars that day, followed by a quick clean-out of other little compartments where "treasures" were certain to be found and rewarded myself with a quiet drive, alone, for a moment anyway, as I picked up the children from school and listened to them say, "Whoa. What happened in here?"

This, my children, is what happens when we choose to accomplish something and follow it through until completion: Cleanliness. "Um, what's that smell?"

Oh, the fresh car sent you ask? Why, I believe it to be called Waterfall. "Uh, no, I think L dropped her banana."

Sure enough, there was a banana peel that my little "helper" left behind. Quickly stuffing it into the new trash bag, I enjoyed the short ride home listening to them chatter and realized:

Any mess is worth the clean-up as long as you enjoy the creation!!

xoxo Rachel

Slow Dance

2010-01-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask, How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
we’ll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say, 'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Anonymous child fighting the losing battle with cancer
Her doctor is Dr. Dennis Shields

(found this in some of my husband's files from 2007, his year-long chemo and radiation experience)
We lost a good friend in 2008 after a long battle with an inoperable brain tumor. After all that, reading this little poem really makes me stop and take a breath...

Enjoy today...

2010-01-27T07:21:00.002-07:00

...I'm a guest blogger!! Go to this site and read my post for today!! :) So exceiting! This blog is a group blogging site, like MMB. They just put the blog together this past month, so check it out!!

Rachel xoxox

Editing Fun

2010-01-25T15:26:00.002-07:00

My sister, bless her heart, has introduced me to a new obsession... editing pictures. I spent a whole day retouching photos, decorating, just basically being creative. It was nice to have the time, actually. So I thought I'd share the fruits of my labors, but give My Sis all the credit, because ever since we were little kids, it's her fault!! :)

xoxox Rachel

P.S. She did the ones with the girls in their dresses. I did the random ones :) but I wanted to show off my family. Thanks again, T!

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Just When You Thought Things Were Boring...

2010-01-24T09:24:00.003-07:00

It snows, again :) I love a lazy snowey day! Plus, the new white covers up the gray dull and once again, I love winter.

A Great Story

2010-01-20T13:43:00.004-07:00

Sometimes, I really enjoy surfing other people's blogs (personal blogs, news blogs, sport blogs), reading their blogging style, enjoying funny things they choose to share, but mostly reading that my sense of reality is not too far off.

A blog I follow, and makes me really enjoy day-to-day life, had a link to another post, "I wish I was a master of photoshop." She said it was a really good read, so I went...and read...and now need to act. I have a few ideas, but will welcome lots, lots more! Go read then Let's Brainstorm!

Missing

2010-01-19T09:02:00.004-07:00

It's the first time EVER something like this has happened to me... :( I'm meticulous and OCD about organizing and checking and double-checking...

But I'm also OCD about having an empty memory card. In my mind, memory cards are B&B's for pictures and information. I have to find the information/pictures and permanent home ASAP so I can once again have an uncluttered memory card (you can imagine the state of my home on Saturdays).

It had been weeks since I downloaded pictures off the memory card, you know Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, J's birthday, then some fun dress-up pictures of the girls from just yesterday. So, I had some time and just got a fun photo editing program and was going to try it out so I started downloading, 100-some odd pictures.

When I saw it was all done, I cleaned the memory card, put it back into my camera, then went back to the editing program...and only 6 were there!! I wanted to cry...but that wouldn't bring back my pictures (sigh). I looked everywhere, tried everything I could think of...no pictures to be found.

I guess I'll be more careful next time...that, and get over some of those OCD tendencies! Freak! (Picture found here)